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To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance,
by Stephen Baker

To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance,
courage of conviction - and a cat.
The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by.
- Stephen Baker

Would I buy a cell phone for my 12-year-old?...
No.
I should have closer control over my child than that.
He really shouldn't be in places where he needs to contact me by cell.
- Stephen Baker

People didn't stop spending money, they just spent
it on things that complement their PCs.
- Stephen Baker

This is the year you really put the stake in the ground.
- Stephen Baker

 

Of all the toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself.
A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made
to move in almost any direction.
It comes completely assembled, and it makes a sound when you jump on it.
- Stephen Baker

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white.
Neither need you do anything but be yourself.
- Lao Tzu

All Norwegian children learn to swim when they are
very young because if you can't swim it is difficult
to find a place to bathe.
- Roald Dahl

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I don't want people to sit and process the song.
I want them to just let them bathe over them.
- Mandy Patinkin

The snowdrop and primrose our woodlands adorn,
and violets bathe in the wet o' the morn.
- Robert Burns

The work is with me when I wake up in the morning;
it is with me while I eat my breakfast in bed and run through the newspaper,
while I shave and bathe and dress.
- C. S. Forester

I may be smelly and I may be old, Rough in my pebbles,
reedy in my pools, But where my fish float by I bless their swimming,
And I like the people to bathe in me especially women.
- Stevie Smith

We never had a bathtub.
Mom would bathe me in the wooden or tin washtub in the kitchen,
or in a big lard can.
- Ethel Waters

I mention this fact as tending to support what I have often heard stated,
namely, that a shark's sense of smell is so keen that,
if men ever bathe in seas where they are found,
a shark is almost sure to appear directly afterwards.
- George Grey

A discussion of philosophy is like a cat chasing its tail -
it may be an amusing diversion but
it has no chance for a satisfying conclusion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Like a Cat, I am Independent, Patient, Alert, and Decisive.
When the time is right, I pounce on opportunity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A meowing cat can't catch mice.
- Yiddish Proverb

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I kind of imagine myself at eighty, a cat lady.
- Juliette Lewis

I have a lot of very close girlfriends and sisters -
I'm from an all female family.
My father often quips that even the cat was neutered!
- Shirley Manson

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat.
- Edgar Allan Poe

If you want something to be different than it is,
you might as well teach a cat to bark.
Wanting something to be different than it is, is hopeless.
- Byron Katie

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs,
and patronizes human beings.
- Oliver Herford

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark
cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there.
Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.
- Robert A. Heinlein

THE fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
- Carl Sandburg

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down
rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth.
A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.
- Jules Verne

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
- Ogden Nash

I happen to think that computers are the most important
thing to happen to musicians since the invention of
cat-gut which was a long time ago.
- Robert Moog

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Only very brave mouse makes nest in cat's ear.
- Earl Derr Biggers

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something
he can learn in no other way.
- Mark Twain

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat,
and the dog was walking.
- Mickey Rivers

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you;
but if a cat does the same thing,
it is because your lap is warmer.
- Alfred North Whitehead

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows,
cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.
- Cleveland Amory

But if you really want to learn about life,
get a cat.
The way I think people should relate to animals is with a cat.
Because the world is his.
- James Cromwell

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
- Will Rogers

We journalists tell the public which way the cat is jumping.
The public will take care of the cat.
- Arthur Hays Sulzberger

The president took the advice of my East Texas grandmother:
If you can skin a cat without getting the room all bloody,
why not do it that way?
- Richard Land

I think cat's are fantastic.
- Danielle Dax

A cat's rage is beautiful, burning with pure cat flame,
all its hair standing up and crackling blue sparks,
eyes blazing and sputtering.
- William S. Burroughs

Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler
but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
- Julian Huxley

One small cat changes coming home to an empty house to coming home.
- Pam Brown

What I used to do between writing fits was feed my kids,
ride my horse and go shopping for cat and dog food.
- Anne McCaffrey

God is really only another artist.
He invented the giraffe, the elephantand the cat.
He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.
- Pablo Picasso

If a fish is the movement of water embodied,
given shape, then cat is a diagram and pattern of subtle air.
- Doris Lessing

We had five goats, two dogs, a cat and racks of commentaries on Shakespeare.
- Charles Dance

The cat, it is well to remember, remains the friend
of man because it pleases him to do so and not because he must.
- Carl Van Vechten

A novel must be exceptionally good to live as long as the average cat.
- Lord Chesterfield

A cat will be your friend, but never your slave.
- Theophile Gautier

Prose books are the show dogs I breed and sell to support my cat.
- Robert Graves

I love cats.
I have a lot of cat tales, ha ha, so to speak.
A lot of my cats come to me.
They show up at my house.
I'm kind of a cat lady that way.
- Gina Gershon

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased,
which is more than can be said for human beings.
- Dean Inge

The cat is a dilettante in fur.
- Theophile Gautier

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you.
Dogs just want to please.
Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
- Lewis Grizzard

A cat, I am told, has nine lives.
If that is true, I know how a cat feels.
- Caryl Chessman

My house is run, essentially, by an adopted,
fully clawed cat with a mean nature.
- Anthony Bourdain

Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice,
and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another.
But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip:
Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.
- Mike Royko

We tell the public which way the cat is jumping.
The public will take care of the cat.
- Arthur Hays Sulzberger

I've never been able to understand why a Republican
contributor is a 'fat cat' and a Democratic contributor
of the same amount of money is a 'public-spirited philanthropist'.
- Ronald Reagan

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a
cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying
to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.
- Charles Baudelaire

Winners are different.
They're a different breed of cat.
- Byron Nelson

There is, indeed, no single quality of the cat that
man could not emulate to his advantage.
- Carl Van Vechten

I usually just have one cat.
It is difficult, but I have my one cat that he'll travel
with me if it's appropriate,
if I'm not going overseas.
- Gina Gershon

The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat.
- Jules Renard

If a cat does something, we call it instinct;
if we do the same thing,
for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
- Will Cuppy

Everybody started saying, well, this cat's not as dumb as people think he is.
- David Allan Coe


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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