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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ...
by George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
- George Burns

Related topics: Funny

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns

 

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something
you love than to be a success at something you hate.
- George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
- George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
- George Burns

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I look to the future because that's where I'm going
to spend the rest of my life.
- George Burns

The most important thing in acting is honesty.
If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- George Burns

This is the sixth book I've written,
which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
- George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending,
then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
- George Burns

If it's a good script I'll do it.
And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough,
I'll do it.
- George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day.
At my age I have to hold on to something.
- George Burns

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
- George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your
shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
- George Burns

Be quick to learn and wise to know.
- George Burns

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
- George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a
success at something I hate.
- George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
- George Burns

It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
- George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.
- George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal,
a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman;
it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
- George Burns

How beautifully leaves grow old.
How full of light and color are their last days.
- George Burns

It's good to be here.
At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
- George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally,
you forget to pull it down.
- George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here.
Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
- George Burns

How can I die? I'm booked.
- George Burns

I don't believe in dying.
It's been done.
I'm working on a new exit.
Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
- George Burns

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
- George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
- George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down.
But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
- George Burns

Acting is all about honesty.
If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made.
Very few people die past that age.
- George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous.
When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
- George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that,
you've got it made.
- George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity,
I would have to say it is avoiding worry,
stress and tension.
And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
- George Burns

"Be Prepared."
"Be prepared for what?"
"Why, for any old thing."
- Robert Baden-Powell,
the founder of Scouting.
[as quoted in the Boy Scout Handbook]

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
- Proverb

Give a boy address and accomplishments
and you give him the mastery
of palaces and fortunes where he goes.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook

The moment a little boy is concerned with which is
a jay and which is a sparrow,
he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.
- Eric Berne

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

A fairly bright boy is far more intelligent and far
better company than the average adult.
- John B. S. Haldane

I am the Wizard. This world is mine.
I speak. It's done. My realm is fine.
My wand, my tongue. My sword, my voice.
It's good. It's bad. I speak my choice.
I say happy, or I say mad.
I say angry, or I say glad.
I name that drawing on the wall.
It's not graffiti after all.
The past has been broken. The prison's not real.
My word holds the magic - the power to heal.
Intent is my weapon - a sword from above.
Cruel hate, fear, and anger transmute into love.
This world's my joy. This mouth's my toy.
Reborn -I'm a brand new girl or boy.
I choose. I speak. My will is done.
Come join. Come play. This can be fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Who's a boy gonna talk to if not his mother?
- Donald E. Westlake

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President;
I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow

Inside every working anarchy, there's an Old Boy Network.
- Mitchell Kapor

To people who remember JFK's assassination,
JFK Jr. will probably always be that boy saluting his father's coffin.
- Michael Beschloss

What must it be like for a little boy to read that daddy never loved mummy?
- Princess Diana

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Everybody thinks I'm, like, a bad boy.
I've had my day, but I just sit at home and play the blues mostly.
- Brad Renfro

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
- Steve Martin

Whenever it is possible, a boy should choose some occupation
which he should do even if he did not need the money.
- William Lyon Phelps

The old boy network is still very strong and very true.
Just look at the stock exchange and how many men and women are there.
It is still very much run by men.
- Billie Jean King

Youth is that period when a young boy knows everything
but how to make a living.
- Carey Williams

I feel like a little boy who is constantly offered new toys.
- Placido Domingo

The state of my poor boy's health prevents me from
leaving home for a night.
- Edward Irving

How ridiculous I was as a Marionette!
And how happy I am, now that I have become a real boy!
- Carlo Collodi

Boy, I'm just quietly doing my thing,
and I hope they'll look around and get my record out.
- Marian McPartland

When I was a boy, I always saw myself as a hero in
comic books and in movies.
I grew up believing this dream.
- Elvis Presley

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
- Chris Rock

I began even as a boy to realize how wide the world
can be for a man of free intelligence.
- George Woodcock

One of the best things in the world to be is a boy;
it requires no experience,
but needs some practice to be a good one.
- Charles Dudley Warner

A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does,
and about two years after he thinks he does.
- Lewis B. Hershey

Boy, I'll tell you, when the Rams drafted me No.
1, it surprised me.
I was walking on air for days.
- Jack Youngblood

I was rather a fat little boy.
- Cyril Cusack


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