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If cats were double the size they are now,
by Doug Coupland

If cats were double the size they are now,
they'd probably be illegal.
- Doug Coupland

Related topics: Pet

It's very strange that most people don't care if their
knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.
- Doug Coupland

People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families.
The only family that ever horrifies you is your own.
- Doug Coupland

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that
you have too much free time.
- Doug Coupland

 

Failure is authentic, and because it's authentic,
it's real and genuine, and because of that,
it's a pure state of being.
- Doug Coupland

We're rapidly approaching a world comprised entirely of jail and shopping.
- Doug Coupland

In our heads we're all about 33 years old.
- Doug Coupland

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You can't fake creativity, competence,
or sexual arousal.
- Doug Coupland

Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of
human beings have a sense of irony,
which means that eighty percent of the world takes
everything at face value.
- Doug Coupland

If you're not a tree hugger, then you're a what,
a tree hater?
- Doug Coupland

Everybody has basically the same family,
it's just reconfigured slightly differently from one to the next.
- Doug Coupland

Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed
dating for clueless people.
- Doug Coupland

If you don't change, then what's the point of anything happening to you?
- Doug Coupland

The real killers in the business world aren't the ones who aim for the top,
it's the ones who aim for two notches below the top.
- Doug Coupland

You can't get mad at weather because weather's not about you.
Apply that lesson to most other aspects of life.
- Doug Coupland

New York is a theme park for people with IQs over 108.
- Doug Coupland

Nature is one great big wood-chipper.
Sooner or later, everything shoots out the other end in a spray of blood,
bones and hair.
- Doug Coupland

Your brain forms roughly 10,000 new cells every day,
but unless they hook up to preexisting cells with strong memories,
they die.
Serves them right.
- Doug Coupland

Every single moment is a coincidence.
- Doug Coupland

Florida isn't so much a place where one goes to reinvent oneself,
as it is a place where one goes if one no longer wished to be found.
- Doug Coupland

It also allows you to look as though you're not particularly from the present,
future or past, either.
- Doug Coupland

When you crop the photo, you tell a lie.
- Doug Coupland

We want our idols to be dead because it makes death a much less scary place.
- Doug Coupland

Royalty is either going to do very well with cloning,
or it's going to disappear completely.
- Doug Coupland

Every human being you see in the course of a day has
a problem that's sucking up at least 70 percent of his or her radar.
- Doug Coupland

We live in an era with no historical precedents.
History is no longer useful as a tool in helping us
understand current changes.
- Doug Coupland

Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never
become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you.
- Doug Coupland

Figure out what it is in life you don't do well,
and then don't do it.
- Doug Coupland

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly
software because they're so rude.
- Doug Coupland

The person who needs the other person the least in
a relationship is the stronger member.
- Doug Coupland

Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise.
Most people can't handle a structureless life.
- Doug Coupland

If I think too much about all of those Chinese factories
where all the stuff in a Wal-Mart is made,
I get that woozy feeling you get when you see ducks covered in crude oil.
- Doug Coupland

Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs.
It's like wanting the worst possible meat product without
even the thrill of it actually being meat.
- Doug Coupland

Thinking you're immortal is weirdly similar to being immortal.
- Doug Coupland

Sometimes failure isn't an opportunity in disguise,
it's just you.
- Doug Coupland

Long lives aren't natural.
We forget that senior citizens are as much an invention
as toasters or penicillin.
- Doug Coupland

We need to be around our families not because we have
so many shared experiences to talk about,
but instead because they know precisely which subjects to avoid.
- Doug Coupland

I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore.
They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'
- Doug Coupland

Human beings are the only animal that thinks they change
who they are simply by moving to a different place.
Birds migrate, but it's not quite the same thing.
- Doug Coupland

You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually
are because you fear you are an interchangeable cog.
- Doug Coupland

On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin,
and then they look at your clothes, and by the time
they're listening to what you're saying,
you're off the screen.
- Doug Coupland

Unhappiness is something we are never taught about;
we are taught to expect happiness,
but never a Plan B to use to use when the happiness doesn't arrive.
- Doug Coupland

The harder you try to become the opposite of your parents,
the more quickly you become them.
- Doug Coupland

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap.
It's a total turn-off.
- Doug Coupland

Christmas makes everything twice as sad.
- Doug Coupland

Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back.
Loaning books is the same as giving them away.
- Doug Coupland

I have trouble with seafood because it tastes like a dock.
- Doug Coupland

Canadians can easily 'pass for American' as long as
we don't accidentally use metric measurements or apologize when hit by a car.
- Doug Coupland

Making eye contact with adults while dressed as a clown is risky.
- Doug Coupland

Earth was not built for six billion people all running
around and being passionate about things.
The world was built for about two million people foraging for roots and grubs.
- Doug Coupland

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished,
then it's a failure.
- Doug Coupland

When we constantly ask for miracles,
we're unraveling the fabric of the world.
A world of continuous miracles would not be a world,
it would be a cartoon.
- Doug Coupland

Forget about being world famous, it's hard enough just
getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence.
- Doug Coupland

Blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos.
- Doug Coupland

Telling people they look relaxed makes them look relaxed.
- Doug Coupland

I think the killers get far too much attention.
- Doug Coupland

Before machines the only form of entertainment people
really had was relationships.
- Doug Coupland

When Donald Duck traded his wings for arms,
was he trading up or trading down?
- Doug Coupland

Fate is for losers.
- Doug Coupland

Purchased experiences don't count.
- Doug Coupland

I want pills called September 10.
You take one and your mind feels like the 11th never happened.
- Doug Coupland

Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question;
you're already an animal.
- Doug Coupland

Most people have no idea how to politely answer a phone.
The English do, and it's been their only major business
advantage for the past two centuries.
- Doug Coupland

Feeling unique is no indication of uniqueness.
- Doug Coupland

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines:
three things the world could live completely without.
- Doug Coupland

The modern economy isn't about the redistribution of wealth,
it's about the redistribution of time.
- Doug Coupland

With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything.
People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for
the sensation of feeling clueless.
- Doug Coupland

Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just
something we haul into the grave.
- Doug Coupland

The capacity for not feeling lonely can carry a very real price,
that of feeling nothing at all.
- Doug Coupland

Technology favors horrible people.
- Doug Coupland

You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life
which you should be bringing about by yourself.
- Doug Coupland


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