Search my Quotes DataBase - Enter one or two keywords and/or author last name.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain




Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Daily Inspiration - Quotes to Live By
Inspiration  |  Motivational Articles  |  Being Strong  |  Being Positive  |  Links  |  About
Topics:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved,
by Emo Philips

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved,
but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
- Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way
so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- Emo Philips

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
- Emo Philips

I was sleeping the other night, alone,
thanks to the exterminator.
- Emo Philips

 

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips

Whatever happened to the good ole days,
when children worked in factories?
- Emo Philips

Please sign-up for my Free Inspirational Daily Email on the form below.

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw
through the leather straps.
- Emo Philips

I was at a bar nursing a beer.
My nipple was getting quite soggy.
- Emo Philips

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool,
trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
- Emo Philips

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy
of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads,
where they are safe.
- Emo Philips

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down.
They don't know I'm firing blanks.
- Emo Philips

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
- Emo Philips

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said,
'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says,
'Hello!'
- Emo Philips

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
- Emo Philips

I got some new underwear the other day.
Well, new to me.
- Emo Philips

You know what I hate? Indian givers...
no, I take that back.
- Emo Philips

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the
little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming.
They don't know I'm only using blanks.
- Emo Philips

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
- Emo Philips

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman:
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
- Emo Philips

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
- Emo Philips

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky,
but there's never any gum under any of them.
- Emo Philips

People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well,
I don't have an alibi.
- Emo Philips

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass
away free and charge five dollars for the second glass.
The refill contained the antidote.
- Emo Philips

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get
them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and
beat you with a warm squash or something.
- Emo Philips

I discovered my wife in bed with another man,
and I was crushed.
So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
- Emo Philips

Actually, my cd was released in 1985,
in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
- Emo Philips

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes
on the way in and if you didn't have any,
they gave you some.
- Emo Philips

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into
an alleyway and lost him.
- Emo Philips

Well, my brother says Hello.
So, hooray for speech therapy.
- Emo Philips

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started
until I've had that first,
piping hot pot of coffee.
Oh, I've tried other enemas.
- Emo Philips

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when
they have to kill a family member because they are the devil.
But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
- Emo Philips

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when
you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
- Emo Philips

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a
combination of evil and incompetence...
sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
- Emo Philips

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
- Emo Philips

I was with this girl the other night and from the way
she was responding to my skillful caresses,
you would have sworn that she was conscious from the
top of her head to the tag on her toes.
- Emo Philips

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy,
and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said,
"You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said,
"Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
- Emo Philips

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains
of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is.
I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
- Emo Philips

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet,
and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it,
but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars,
how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
- Emo Philips

I loved school so much that most of my classmates considered me a dork.
- Natalie Portman

I was somewhat out of place among my classmates;
I could not be as bohemian as they were.
- Erno Rubik

My egotistical concern was less that I would fail to
relate to my classmates than that they would know nothing
of my uniquely tortured life's course and,
thus, me.
- John Thorn

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey
and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
- Bennett Cerf

No, no, I was only funny on stage, really.
I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young.
You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.
- Rowan Atkinson

A child's learning is a function more of the characteristics
of his classmates than those of the teacher.
- James S. Coleman

I was raised in Hollywood and knew, from as early as grammar school,
classmates who were in the business.
- Mike Farrell

In fact, if they didn't let me commute,
I would not have taken the role because I wanted to
graduate high school with my classmates.
I remember my agent's jaw dropping when I told him
if I couldn't commute I didn't want the role.
- Sarah Chalke

With my academic achievement in high school I was accepted
rather readily at Princeton and equally as fast at Yale,
but my test scores were not comparable to that of my classmates.
And that's been shown by statistics,
there are reasons for that -
there are cultural biases built into testing,
and that was one of the motivations for the concept
of affirmative action to try to balance out those effects.
- Sonia Sotomayor

I want all the kids to do what I do,
to look up to me.
I want all the kids to copulate me.
- Andre Dawson

There are no chaste minds.
Minds copulate wherever they meet.
- Eric Hoffer

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

The trouble is,
if you don't risk anything,
you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
- Henry David Thoreau

We can do anything we want to
if we stick to it long enough.
- Helen Keller

You cannot teach a man anything;
you can only help him find it within himself.
- Galileo Galilei

Do not wish to be anything but what you are,
and try to be that perfectly.
- St. Francis De Sales

To have done anything just for money
is to have been truly idle.
- Henry David Thoreau

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The Four Agreements
1.Be impeccable with your word.
2.Don't take anything personally.
3.Don't make assumptions.
4.Always do your best.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver

You can have anything you want in life if you
just help enough other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants,
and to serve them one's self?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden

Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm
but because of those who look at it without doing anything.
- Albert Einstein

You can turn painful situations around through laughter.
If you can find humor in anything, even poverty,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

It is hardly possible to build anything,
if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.
- Lech Walesa

When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir


Quotes and Sayings

---------


Thank you for visiting: My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, by Emo Philips.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Quotes and Sayings.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


Sign-up to receive Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes
free via email

Daily inspirational quotes and motivational messages of self-worth, choice,
positive attitude, happiness, forgiveness, and gratitude.
Inspiring motivational sayings plus Jonathan's insights into life,
relationships, and joyful living.

Enter Your E-Mail Address:
Enter Your Name (what you want to be called):
To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.
Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.

Or Subscribe to the Feedburner feed for Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes.



All materials & writings are copyright ©. You may read about our disclaimer, our privacy policy, our copyright policy, terms of use, participation in affiliate programs, and the list of all our websites.