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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing,
by Fred Allen

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing,
but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children,
except in self-defense.
- Fred Allen

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
- Fred Allen

 

I don't have to look up my family tree,
because I know that I'm the sap.
- Fred Allen

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
- Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live -
if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure
that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men
whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
- Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting.
His success has the life expectancy of a small boy
who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
- Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things:
faces,
names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
- Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church.
They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
- Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their
life to become well known,
and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Fred Allen

If I could get my membership fee back,
I'd resign from the human race.
- Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats;
then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
- Fred Allen

I can't understand why a person will take a year to
write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
- Fred Allen

A committee is a group of the unprepared,
appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
- Fred Allen

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
- Fred Allen

My uncle is a Southern planter.
He's an undertaker in Alabama.
- Fred Allen

Committee - a group of men who individually can do
nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
- Fred Allen

Television is a device that permits people who haven't
anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
- Fred Allen

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood
who will associate with a producer.
- Fred Allen

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
- Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston.
It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
- Fred Allen

I play a musical instrument a little,
but only for my own amazement.
- Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
- Fred Allen

Television is the triumph of machine over people.
- Fred Allen

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with
carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
- Fred Allen

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
- Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood,
place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have
room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- Fred Allen

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
- Fred Allen

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk;
today we have small men enjoying big talk.
- Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list -
either way you lose your shirt.
- Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's
lane holding his own hand.
- Fred Allen

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit
of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
- Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college,
won the case, and got my tuition back.
- Fred Allen

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times,
but a good press agent can do even better.
- Fred Allen

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
- Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
- Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir;
two hundred people changed their religion.
- Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing,
but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor.
The competition from bad actors is too great.
- Fred Allen

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
- Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
- Fred Allen

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style;
it will just look ridiculous year after year.
- Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns;
he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen

We are living in the machine age.
For the first time in history the comedian has been
compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material
to compete with the machine.
Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
- Fred Allen

It is probably not love that makes the world go around,
but rather those mutually supportive alliances through
which partners recognize their dependence on each other
for the achievement of shared and private goals.
- Fred Allen

It is a common experience that a problem difficult
at night is resolved in the morning after the committee
of sleep has worked on it.
- John Steinbeck

A decision is what a man makes when he can't find anybody to serve on a committee.
- Fletcher Knebel

Tonight, I am pleased to announce that I have secured
$1 million from the Convention Host Committee to fund
the beautification of Boston's neighborhoods.
- Thomas Menino

The Intelligence Committee will also examine present
counterintelligence programs for the Department of Energy,
the National Laboratories, and the Department of Defense.
- Charles Foster Bass

We have a lot of rule changes.
I am part of the competition committee.
We spent a lot time evaluating the game,
how do we make the game better for our fans.
- Ron Jaworski

That's because the International Olympic Committee
has a policy of never replacing medals.
- Mary Lou Retton

As a member of the House Select Committee on Intelligence,
I will be participating in several hearings on the
startling revelations contained in the report.
- Charles Foster Bass

For a long time in American history,
people didn't even come up before the Senate.
They didn't come before the Judiciary Committee,
and up until about 1923, something like that.
- Fred Thompson

Muddle is the extra unknown personality in any committee.
- Anthony Sampson

There were no gifts.
Everything is properly accounted for.
I provided testimony and evidence to the committee...
This was all stuff that was previously known.
- Robert Torricelli

I'm a member of the US committee o the United Nations.
- Betty Hill

By the time we got to MGM, and Lions Gate the movie
was done there was nothing else to say.
It was done.
Just as at Universal, it was art by committee.
- Rob Zombie

When you talk about changing the rules,
that takes time, and it always involves more than just a committee.
- Al Edwards

And yes, there's a simplicity to writing books because
you're not a member of a team,
so you make all the decisions yourself instead of deferring to a committee.
- Bernard Cornwell

Anybody can decide if they have got the money to fight
a case if they don't like a particular thing,
and they complain to the watch committee,
local council or whatever.
- Timothy West

You really don't want a president who is a football fan.
Football combines the worst features of American life.
It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
- George Will

Too many of my Senate colleagues overdid it.
They stayed on too long - napping through committee
hearings when they should have packed up and gone home.
- Leverett Saltonstall

First, I have the privilege of being Chairman of the
Senate Intelligence Committee.
It is not an oxymoron I assure you.
- Pat Roberts

Throughout its history, the international Olympic Committee
has struggled to spread its ideal of fraternity,
friendship, peace and universal understanding.
- Juan Antonio Samaranch

May the spirit of devotion to duty which inspires us
always dominate this Committee's conferences!
- Gustav Krupp

I'm pleased the committee recommended no action,
as I know I did nothing wrong.
- Karen McCarthy


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