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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
by Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Related topics: Pet

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children,
as they are already stretched and pulled to such a
length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

 

In America there are two classes of travel -
first class,
and with children.
- Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people
will not go to analyze humor.
It seems to worry them.
- Robert Benchley

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We are constantly being surprised that people did things
well before we were born.
- Robert Benchley

In a house where there are small children the bathroom
soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
- Robert Benchley

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
- Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how
I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
- Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience,
loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

After an author has been dead for some time,
it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers
to get a new book out of him each year.
- Robert Benchley

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything
isn't money and power in this world,
and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
- Robert Benchley

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band
coming up the street and not to have the impulse to
rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.
- Robert Benchley

I have been told by hospital authorities that more
copies of my works are left behind by departing patients
than those of any other author.
- Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death,
but then I'm in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley

You might think that after thousands of years of coming
up too soon and getting frozen,
the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
- Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on.
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening
in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin
of his left ear from twirling around on it.
- Robert Benchley

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat
short of being impressive,
owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows
what we are talking about.
- Robert Benchley

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe,
let him go back to where he came from.
- Robert Benchley

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go
to a game prepared to take offense,
no matter what happens.
- Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
- Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
- Robert Benchley

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman
without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
- Robert Benchley

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves
be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door,
simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
- Robert Benchley

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the
necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
- Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people,
and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
- Robert Benchley

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that
no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission.
It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
- Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul.
If that upheaval is not present then it must come from
the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
- Robert Benchley

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them.
But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs.
I think also that it may have something written on the back of it,
although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
- Robert Benchley

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle,
bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush,
we spend an enormous amount of time standing around
in line in front of windows,
just waiting.
- Robert Benchley

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Every dog has his day.
- Proverb

Make a conscious choice to live
a serene and stress-free life.
Stress is always waiting just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
- The Buddha

Stress is always waiting
just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you;
but if a cat does the same thing,
it is because your lap is warmer.
- Alfred North Whitehead

Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you.
- Austin O'Malley

The dog that trots about finds a bone.
- Golda Meir

Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail,
then he has a weak-end.
- June Carter

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
- Ann Landers

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
- Franklin P. Jones

Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese
and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning
for a cup of coffee and a donut?
- Jack LaLanne

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I'm not buddy-buddy with the players.
If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.
- Whitey Herzog

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
- Jay London

Within 10 years it will be impossible to travel to
the North Pole by dog team.
There will be too much open water.
- Will Steger

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat,
and the dog was walking.
- Mickey Rivers

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It couldn't sound like a dog, because K9 isn't a dog,
but I made it sound as mechanical as possible.
- John Leeson

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
- Kinky Friedman

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear
a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
- Fran Lebowitz

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
- Rodney Dangerfield

If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
Five? No, calling a tail a leg don't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

I poured spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.
- Steven Wright

I've tried word processors, but I think I'm too old a dog to use one.
- Dee Brown

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face,
you should go home and examine your conscience.
- Woodrow Wilson

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

There's just me and my wife and a dog and we feed him Healthy Choice also.
- Mike Ditka

I was a dog in a past life.
Really.
I'll be walking down the street and dogs will do a sort of double take.
Like, Hey, I know him.
- William H. Macy


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