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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe,
by Robert Benchley

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe,
let him go back to where he came from.
- Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children,
as they are already stretched and pulled to such a
length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
- Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel -
first class,
and with children.
- Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley

 

Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people
will not go to analyze humor.
It seems to worry them.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley

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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go
to a game prepared to take offense,
no matter what happens.
- Robert Benchley

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
- Robert Benchley

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman
without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
- Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything
isn't money and power in this world,
and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
- Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience,
loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band
coming up the street and not to have the impulse to
rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.
- Robert Benchley

You might think that after thousands of years of coming
up too soon and getting frozen,
the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening
in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin
of his left ear from twirling around on it.
- Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people,
and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
- Robert Benchley

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the
necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
- Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

We are constantly being surprised that people did things
well before we were born.
- Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how
I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
- Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death,
but then I'm in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
- Robert Benchley

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat
short of being impressive,
owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows
what we are talking about.
- Robert Benchley

After an author has been dead for some time,
it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers
to get a new book out of him each year.
- Robert Benchley

In a house where there are small children the bathroom
soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
- Robert Benchley

I have been told by hospital authorities that more
copies of my works are left behind by departing patients
than those of any other author.
- Robert Benchley

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves
be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door,
simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
- Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
- Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on.
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
- Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul.
If that upheaval is not present then it must come from
the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
- Robert Benchley

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them.
But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs.
I think also that it may have something written on the back of it,
although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
- Robert Benchley

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle,
bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush,
we spend an enormous amount of time standing around
in line in front of windows,
just waiting.
- Robert Benchley

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that
no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission.
It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
- Robert Benchley

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again,
but expecting different results.
- Rita Mae Brown, also attributed to Einstein

He who can no longer pause to wonder
and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead;
his eyes are closed.
- Albert Einstein

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing
over and over and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein

We know nothing at all.
All our knowledge is but the knowledge of schoolchildren.
The real nature of things we shall never know.
- Albert Einstein

The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm
but because of those who look at it without doing anything.
- Albert Einstein

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

The distinction between the past, present and future
is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
- Albert Einstein

Once we accept our limits, we can go beyond them.
- Albert Einstein

Not everything that can be counted counts,
and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein

Only one who devotes himself to a cause
with his whole strength and soul
can be a true master.
For this reason mastery demands all of a person.
- Albert Einstein

The only source of knowledge is experience.
- Albert Einstein

Where there is love there is no question.
- Albert Einstein

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
- Albert Einstein

When I examine myself and my methods of thought,
I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy
has meant more to me than
any talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

There comes a time when the mind
takes a higher plane of knowledge
but can never prove how it got there.
- Albert Einstein

You have to learn the rules of the game.
And then you have to play better than anyone else.
- Albert Einstein

Without deep reflection,
one knows from daily life
that one exists for other people.
- Albert Einstein

Intellectual growth should commence at birth
and cease only at death.
- Albert Einstein

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein (attributed)

Whoever undertakes to set himself up
as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
- Albert Einstein

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
- Albert Einstein

Most of the fundamental ideas of science
are essentially simple,
and may, as a rule, be expressed
in a language comprehensible to everyone.
- Albert Einstein

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.
- Albert Einstein

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited.
Imagination encircles the world.
- Albert Einstein

The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein

The world is a dangerous place,
not because of those who do evil,
but because of those who look on and do nothing.
- Albert Einstein

Love is a better teacher than duty.
- Albert Einstein

Information is not knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

We still do not know one thousandth of one percent
of what nature has revealed to us.
- Albert Einstein

No problem can be solved from the same level
of consciousness that created it.
- Albert Einstein

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters
cannot be trusted with important matters.
- Albert Einstein

Strive not to be a success,
but rather to be of value.
- Albert Einstein

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
- Albert Einstein


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