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Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles,
by David Letterman

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles,
watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
- David Letterman

Related topics: Nature

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
- David Letterman

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
- David Letterman

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen,
see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
- David Letterman

 

No one knows if Saddam is still alive.
They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live.
You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.
- David Letterman

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body
builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
- David Letterman

New York...
when civilization falls apart, remember,
we were way ahead of you.
- David Letterman

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USA Today has come out with a new survey -
apparently,
three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
- David Letterman

Don't forget it's daylight savings time.
You spring forward, then you fall back.
It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.
- David Letterman

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now
supports the ban on gay marriages.
I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
- David Letterman

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor.
At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
- David Letterman

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein.
I don't know anything about explosives,
but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
- David Letterman

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings.
You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
- David Letterman

I had no idea this thing was televised.
Boy, is my face red.
- David Letterman

Dick Cheney said he was running again.
He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.'
Yeah,
that's always the sign of a man in good health,
isn't it?
- David Letterman

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
- David Letterman

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours,
we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
- David Letterman

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize
when to pull the trigger.
- David Letterman

New York now leads the world's great cities in the
number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
- David Letterman

There is no off position on the genius switch.
- David Letterman

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're
changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
- David Letterman

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons.
That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb.
Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
- David Letterman

There's no business like show business,
but there are several businesses like accounting.
- David Letterman

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen -
he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter.
It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
- David Letterman

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense.
But this transition is going to be tough because it's
been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
- David Letterman

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind.
Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
- David Letterman

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq.
The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
- David Letterman

People say New Yorkers can't get along.
Not true.
I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers,
sharing a cab.
One guy took the tires and the radio;
the other guy took the engine.
- David Letterman

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early -
is it just me,
or does it not really feel like Ramadan?
- David Letterman

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
- David Letterman

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those
who knew that they were wrong.
- David Letterman

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger.
Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
- David Letterman

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before
they actually consider Iraq a threat.
For example, France wants more evidence.
And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted
more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
- David Letterman

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead.
He's dead, then he's alive, then dead,
then alive.
It's just confusing.
Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
- David Letterman

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy.
But Clinton now is working very hard.
He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese.
And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
- David Letterman

The weather here is gorgeous.
It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties.
The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather
and thought it was spring,
so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.
- David Letterman

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war,
and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval
of the American voters to become president,
either.
- David Letterman

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
- Japanese Proverb

Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Come to the edge
We can't. We're afraid
We can't. We will fall. Come to the edge
And they came. And he pushed them
And they flew
- Guillaume Apollinaire

Sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

The harder you fall the higher you bounce.
- Horace

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Nelson Mandela

A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on.
- John F. Kennedy

Be slow to fall into friendship;
but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.
- Socrates

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

In the arena of human life,
the honors and rewards fall to those
who show their good qualities in action.
- Aristotle

Understand the difference between "failing,"
which each of us does often,
and "being a failure,"
which is a state of mind no one should
ever allow themself to fall into.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May the road rise up to meet you,
may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall softly on your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
- Irish Blessing

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

It's so easy to fall in love
but hard to find someone who will catch you.
- Anonymous

When we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall into
mutually satisfying weirdness -
and call it love - true love.
- Robert Fulghum.

Don't fall for looks, they can deceive.
Don't fall for wealth, in the end it fades away.
Find someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
- Anonymous

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.
- Dr. Seuss

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
- Alexander Hamilton

Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous

Before you can forgive others,
you must be a person whose forgiveness matters.
Before you can have gratitude for your life,
you must believe that your life has value.
Before your choices have value,
you must feel that you yourself have value.
Before you can dream a great dream for your future,
you have to believe that your future matters.
Before you can build positive habits of resolve and commitment,
before you can begin to live into the Japanese proverb,
"Fall seven times, stand up eight,"
you must believe that your life matters.
Before you can celebrate your life, you must Honor it.
And, before you can feel unity with,
and Honor toward, Spirit and all creation,
you must Honor yourself to feel worthy of that unity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Wise sayings often fall on barren ground,
but a kind word is never thrown away.
- Arthur Helps

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality,
but must live with a character.
- Peter De Vries

Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.
- Bernard Baruch

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming
that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
- Victor Kiam

I close my eyes, then I drift away, into the magic night I softly say.
A silent prayer, like dreamers do, then I fall asleep
to dream my dreams of you.
- Roy Orbison

If you don't design your own life plan,
chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan.
And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
- Jim Rohn

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of
having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
- Jim Fiebig

When bad men combine, the good must associate;
else they will fall one by one,
an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.
- Edmund Burke

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out
of love with him or he falls out of love with you,
it keeps you together until you fall in again.
- Judith Viorst

There can be no rise in the value of labour without a fall of profits.
- David Ricardo

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel


Quotes and Sayings

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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