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A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House. ...
by Adlai Stevenson

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House.
- Adlai Stevenson

Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of
emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson

A free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
- Adlai Stevenson

Nixon is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree,
then mount the stump for a speech on conservation.
- Adlai Stevenson

 

The Republicans have a me too candidate running on a yes but platform,
advised by a has been staff.
- Adlai Stevenson

There is no evil in the atom; only in men's souls.
- Adlai Stevenson

I will make a bargain with the Republicans.
If they will stop telling lies about Democrats,
we will stop telling the truth about them.
- Adlai Stevenson

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We live in an era of revolution, the revolution of rising expectations.
- Adlai Stevenson

With the supermarket as our temple and the singing
commercial as our litany,
are we likely to fire the world with an irresistible
vision of America's exalted purpose and inspiring way of life?
- Adlai Stevenson

To me, there is something superbly symbolic in the fact that an astronaut,
sent up as assistant to a series of computers,
found that he worked more accurately and more intelligently than they.
Inside the capsule, man is still in charge.
- Adlai Stevenson

We cannot be any stronger in our foreign policy for
all the bombs and guns we may heap up in our arsenals
than we are in the spirit which rules inside the country.
Foreign policy, like a river, cannot rise above its source.
- Adlai Stevenson

Freedom is not an ideal, it is not even a protection,
if it means nothing more than freedom to stagnate,
to live without dreams, to have no greater aim than
a second car and another television set.
- Adlai Stevenson

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous


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