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The funny thing about television is that once you start
by Kevin Sorbo

The funny thing about television is that once you start
to do it you never get time to watch it.
- Kevin Sorbo

It doesn't matter how successful you are in this business,
it's tough to get through the next door.
- Kevin Sorbo

This is our lance.
See, you're making me laugh about this now,
because there have been a few jokes on the set about
what they actually look like.
But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy.
So...
just batteries aren't included.
- Kevin Sorbo

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

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Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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