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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
by Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

 

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

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I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

The girl of my dreams is my mother's shadow,
cast upon the distant movie screen of my future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hang tough... big girl panties today.
- Anonymous humor

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

I honor you, Hero, for you do not play to the crowd.
You play to your own soul.
An audience of one fills the house with its appreciation and applause.
Others follow you, and may attempt to emulate you,
but that is not why you are a hero.
Fame may smile upon you, or it may not.
The world may cheer your name, or you may be the unknown warrior
who rescued comrades in battle,
or taught a young girl how to shed tears of joy.
Whatever you did, you did not do for fame.
If you had, you would not be a Hero.
You are a Hero for your bold courageous inspired action.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

When I look in the mirror I see the girl I was when I was growing up,
with braces, crooked teeth, a baby face and a skinny body.
- Heather Locklear

As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father
coming on a white horse to rescue me.
- Christine Keeler

I have never been a material girl.
My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
- Imelda Marcos

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake
of marrying the whole girl.
- Stephen Leacock

I am the Wizard. This world is mine.
I speak. It's done. My realm is fine.
My wand, my tongue. My sword, my voice.
It's good. It's bad. I speak my choice.
I say happy, or I say mad.
I say angry, or I say glad.
I name that drawing on the wall.
It's not graffiti after all.
The past has been broken. The prison's not real.
My word holds the magic - the power to heal.
Intent is my weapon - a sword from above.
Cruel hate, fear, and anger transmute into love.
This world's my joy. This mouth's my toy.
Reborn -I'm a brand new girl or boy.
I choose. I speak. My will is done.
Come join. Come play. This can be fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom.
- Michael Bergin

Who would ever think that so much went on
in the soul of a young girl?
- Anne Frank

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who
knows the capital of Maine.
- David Brenner

I sit on my duff, smoke cigarettes and watch TV.
I'm not exactly a poster girl for healthy living.
- Lexa Doig

What is free time? I'm a single mother.
My free moments are filled with loving my little girl.
- Roma Downey

The best money advice ever given me was from my father.
When I was a little girl, he told me,
'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'
- Dinah Shore

My music, my songs are 100 percent inspired by girl power.
- Paulina Rubio

Any girl can be glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him.
After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
- Marilyn Monroe

I basically became a cheerleader because I had a very strict mom.
That was my way of being a bad girl.
- Sandra Bullock

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.
- Alan Alda

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping
of females begins when the doctor says:
It's a girl.
- Shirley Chisholm

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl,
that keep a husband.
- Euripides

Growing up, I wanted desperately to please,
to be a good girl.
- Claire Danes

I'm a Mommy's Girl - the strongest influence in my young life was my mom.
- Susie Bright

To be sure a stepmother to a girl is a different thing
to a second wife to a man!
- Elizabeth Gaskell

I'm the comedic girl next door and a lot of fun.
- Jenny McCarthy

I am honored to be a Bond girl and be a part of the Bond legacy,
To star in a video game with Connery,
the original Bond, is incredible.
- Maria Menounos

There's been a lot of speculation about every single
girl I'm with and it actually does quite irritate me after a while,
more so because it's a complete pain for the girls.
- Prince William

Oh yeah, that's the Holy Grail, Pirates of the Caribbean.
Johnny Depp, he's the real deal, isn't he? He doesn't get the girl,
and he doesn't care.
- William H. Macy

So I wanted to explore all points of view of that,
not just the girl's but his point of view as well.
Only by directing it could I explore all the points of view.
- Andrew McCarthy

Partly I resented being perceived as weak because I was a girl.
- Alison Bechdel

As soon as I had seen Fay Wray and spoken with her for a few minutes,
I knew I had found the right girl.
- Erich von Stroheim

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Caviar is to dining what a sable coat is to a girl in evening dress.
- Ludwig Bemelmans

A girl who is interested in becoming a model must first
accept the fact that she is the product.
She must be ready to deal with a lot of rejection.
- Karolina Kurkova

I wasn't a rock 'n' roll girl.
I said, Neil Young, Neil Young, where do I know that name from?
- Carrie Snodgress

I'm usually called upon to play the dreary suicidal girl.
- Hope Davis


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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