Search my Quotes DataBase - Enter one or two keywords and/or author last name.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain




Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Daily Inspiration - Quotes to Live By
Inspiration  |  Motivational Articles  |  Being Strong  |  Being Positive  |  Links  |  About
Topics:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. ...
by Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

Related topics: Funny

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else,
and we strive to swim on top.
- Joan Rivers

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
- Joan Rivers

Never floss with a stranger.
- Joan Rivers

 

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good,
until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think
in your mind that the counsel is wise.
- Joan Rivers

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath
toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
- Joan Rivers

Please sign-up for my Free Inspirational Daily Email on the form below.

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth
he forgot to cut the cord.
For a year that kid followed me everywhere.
It was like having a dog on a leash.
- Joan Rivers

My routines come out of total unhappiness.
My audiences are my group therapy.
- Joan Rivers

I blame my mother for my poor sex life.
All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.'
For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
- Joan Rivers

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
- Joan Rivers

A man can sleep around, no questions asked,
but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
- Joan Rivers

People say that money is not the key to happiness,
but I always figured if you have enough money,
you can have a key made.
- Joan Rivers

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
- Joan Rivers

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
- Joan Rivers

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
- Joan Rivers

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
- Joan Rivers

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
- Joan Rivers

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals.
She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
- Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- Joan Rivers

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
- Joan Rivers

I hate housework!
You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months
later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit,
the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
- Joan Rivers

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look
like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
- Joan Rivers

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you.
For years I used to wake up my daughter and say,
'Melissa you ripped me to shreds.
Now go back to sleep.'.
- Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house,
and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
- Joan Rivers

I don't excercise.
If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
- Joan Rivers

The first time I see a jogger smiling,
I'll consider it.
- Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me.
And equal partners we will be.
- Joan Rivers

Yeah, I read history.
But it doesn't make you nice.
Hitler read history, too.
- Joan Rivers

I'm Jewish.
I don't work out.
If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
- Joan Rivers

Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

When the vast cathedral of our being
becomes a sanctuary for all creation,
we become the face of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need
but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
- 1 John 3:17

Our "Rainbows and Butterflies" are the small miracles of our life -
the little things that are so easy to overlook,
yet so awe inspiring when we take a moment
to notice and to pay attention.
Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh,
for the touch of a hand and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The wise man in the storm prays God,
not for safety from danger,
but for deliverance from fear.
It is the storm within which endangers him,
not the storm without.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

From the solemn gloom of the temple
children run out to sit in the dust,
God watches them play and forgets the priest.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Start living now.
Stop saving the good china
for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love
until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
- Mary Manin Morrissey

To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man plans, God laughs
- Yiddish Proverb

God is, even though the whole world deny him.
Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Know thyself, and thou shalt know the Universe and God.
- Pythagoras

Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.
It is the belief that God will do what is right.
- Max Lucado

Where love is, there God is also.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Prayer doesn't change God, but changes him who prays
- Soren Kierkegaard

The Two Great Lessons of Life: Choose Love & Trust God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson

What you are is God's gift to you:
what you become is your gift to god.
- Anthony Dalla Villa

Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman

Where there is unconditional love,
there is no room for unhappiness.
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We should take care not to make the intellect our god;
it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
- Albert Einstein

When God closes a door, he opens a window.
- Anonymous

The function of prayer is not to influence God,
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If I am capable of grasping God objectively,
I do not believe, but precisely because
I cannot do this I must believe.
- Soren Kierkegaard

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God
who is sending a love letter to the world.
- Mother Teresa

Take time to laugh.
It is the music of the soul.
Take time to think.
It is the source of power.
Take time to play.
It is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to read.
It is the fountain of wisdom.
Take time to pray.
It is the greatest power on Earth.
Take time to love and be loved.
It is a God-given privilege.
Take time to be friendly.
It is the road to happiness.
Take time to give.
It is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to work.
It is the price of success.
- Anonymous

We are most like God when we forgive.
- Anonymous

God doesn't require us to succeed;
He only requires that you try.
- Mother Teresa

I distrust those people who know so well
what God wants them to do,
because I notice it always coincides
with their own desires.
- Susan B. Anthony

I think wholeness is God's design for us;
and that often amounts to embracing contradictions.
- Bono

A coincidence is a small miracle in which
God chooses to remain anonymous.
- Anonymous

Non-violence requires a double faith,
faith in God and also faith in man.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The World Runs On God's Rules, and On God's Time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Quotes and Sayings

---------


Thank you for visiting: If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. ... by Joan Rivers.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Quotes and Sayings.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


Sign-up to receive Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes
free via email

Daily inspirational quotes and motivational messages of self-worth, choice,
positive attitude, happiness, forgiveness, and gratitude.
Inspiring motivational sayings plus Jonathan's insights into life,
relationships, and joyful living.

Enter Your E-Mail Address:
Enter Your Name (what you want to be called):
To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.
Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.

Or Subscribe to the Feedburner feed for Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes.



All materials & writings are copyright ©. You may read about our disclaimer, our privacy policy, our copyright policy, terms of use, participation in affiliate programs, and the list of all our websites.