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I haven't got a car or a house.
by Mackenzie Crook

I haven't got a car or a house.
I've got a wife, but I didn't pay for her!
I spend all my money on my glorious wife.
She's here with a knife at my throat!
- Mackenzie Crook

I still draw a lot though.
Ballpoint pen is my preferred medium.
- Mackenzie Crook

I don't have much choice these days in how I have my hair.
- Mackenzie Crook

All the parts I get offered are character and comedy parts,
and I probably wouldn't get them if I had a different face.
So I'm glad I have a comedy face.
- Mackenzie Crook

 

My son thinks I'm hilarious, but he's only 1.
- Mackenzie Crook

It's not a very secure industry.
I've spoken to a couple of people recently who had
a successful TV show and then found themselves absolutely
skint and struggling to find a job.
- Mackenzie Crook

I like the outdoors and the natural world.
Environmental issues.
- Mackenzie Crook

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I like the fact you can spend two hours setting up
a scene that will only last a couple of seconds.
And I like just sitting around and dozing between scenes!
- Mackenzie Crook

I'd like to go back to standup.
I don't like to think I've done my last gig.
At the moment it terrifies me, I get really nervous.
It's a great buzz when it goes well.
- Mackenzie Crook

I spend days with writers' block.
It is a problem.
- Mackenzie Crook

Recently I've been collecting Star Wars figures again.
When I was a kid I couldn't afford them.
Now I can so I've been buying them and keeping them
in their box for a later date when they'll be worth a lot of money.
- Mackenzie Crook

If we want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
- Lewis Carroll

There comes a time when the mind
takes a higher plane of knowledge
but can never prove how it got there.
- Albert Einstein

Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon

It is no use saying, "We are doing our best."
You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
- Winston Churchill

If you want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa

Every time you hear a bell ring,
it means that some angel's just got his wings.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion
upon morals, political, or religion
which he got otherwise than
through his associations and sympathies.
- Mark Twain

You're just left with yourself all the time,
whatever you do anyway.
You've got to get down to your
own God in your own temple.
It's all down to you, mate.
- John Lennon

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you
before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump

We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant.
You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard
or just think it's going to get on by itself.
You've got to keep watering it.
You've got to really look after it and nurture it.
- John Lennon

None of us got where we are solely by
pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.
- Thurgood Marshall

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
- Bill Watterson

It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline
when you're a winner, when you're number one.
What you've got to have is faith and discipline
when you're not yet a winner.
- Vince Lombardi

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money.
Money is not enough, money can be got,
but they need your hearts to love them.
So, spread your love everywhere you go.
- Mother Teresa

There is a secret wisdom-of-the-ages
that holds the key to breaking our
cycle of self-imposed suffering.
The secret wisdom is, "Life is not supposed to be fair."
This is not sad news. This is GLORIOUS news!
Life is not broken. Nothing is wrong.
God has not failed, died, or gone on vacation.
The world is working perfectly. We just misunderstood.
Somewhere along the way, someone got the idea that
life was "supposed" to be "fair,"
and all the trouble started -
expectation, disappointment, resentment, anger -
a whole cycle of suffering that began
with the belief that life is "supposed" to be "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
- George Bernard Shaw

Love is the answer, and you know that for sure;
Love is a flower, you've got to let it grow.
- John Lennon

"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Everyone who got where he is,
had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans

I wasn't always black...
there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
- Bill Cosby

Mother Nature may be forgiving this year,
or next year, but eventually she's going to come around and whack you.
You've got to be prepared.
- Geraldo Rivera

It's a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square.
- Pete Rose

If you can change three lives in 10,
three lives in a hundred,
that's got to be good, hasn't it?
- Ian Botham

I got the bill for my surgery.
Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
- James H. Boren

Back in the mid-1970s, we adopted some fairly ambitious
goals to improve efficiency of our cars.
What did we get? We got a tremendous boost in efficiency.
- Jay Inslee

The toughest thing about success is that you've got
to keep on being a success.
- Irving Berlin

For my confirmation, I didn't get a watch and my first pair of long pants,
like most Lutheran boys.
I got a telescope.
My mother thought it would make the best gift.
- Wernher von Braun

She got her looks from her father.
He's a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married,
and another list of the reasons for their divorce,
you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
- Mignon McLaughlin

No man who worships education has got the best out of education...
Without a gentle contempt for education no man's education is complete.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles,
because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering
why Daddy was kissing someone else.
- Chevy Chase

I've got two old Volvos, two old Subarus,
and an old Ford Ranger.
If you've got an old car, you've gotta have at least several old cars,
'cause one's always gonna be in the garage.
- Rip Torn

He's got an overall flair for the game.
It looks to me like he really loves what he does and
he can't wait to get up in the morning,
go hit some balls and go play.
- Gary McCord

I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel

I got up with my wife, I sat down at the computer when she went to work,
and I didn't stop until she got home.
- George Stephen

If you want to read about love and marriage,
you've got to buy two separate books.
- Alan King

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

My bottom is so big it's got its own gravitational field.
- Carol Vorderman

I had to stop driving my car for a while...
the tires got dizzy.
- Steven Wright

My father and I have a very good relationship.
We always got along.
But I always scold him.
- Amy Sedaris

I got through my teen years by being a bit of a clown.
- Diane Cilento

Never trust anyone who wants what you've got.
Friend or no, envy is an overwhelming emotion.
- Eubie Blake

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death

You've got to grow up sometime.
- Winona Ryder

If you've got a talent, protect it.
- Jim Carrey

If you want to achieve things in life,
you've just got to do them, and if you're talented and smart,
you'll succeed.
- Juliana Hatfield

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one.
So I got a cake.
- Mitch Hedberg

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
- Henny Youngman

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...
I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- Steven Wright

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Anybody who thinks money will make you happy,
hasn't got money.
- David Geffen

We've got to put a lot of money into changing behavior.
- Bill Gates

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.
- Langston Hughes


Quotes and Sayings

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Thank you for visiting: I haven't got a car or a house. by Mackenzie Crook.

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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