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A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce,
by Jean Kerr

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce,
anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job
and then have the patient sit up on the table.
- Jean Kerr

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking
very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at
seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
- Jean Kerr

Even though a number of people have tried,
no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.
- Jean Kerr

 

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets.
It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
- Jean Kerr

A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -
like,
for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
- Jean Kerr

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full
cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
- Jean Kerr

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I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.
- Jean Kerr

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is
unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy.
Because the poor person has hope.
He thinks money would help.
- Jean Kerr

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is
that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
- Jean Kerr

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.
- Jean Kerr

When the grandmothers of today hear the word "Chippendales,"
they don't necessary think of chairs.
- Jean Kerr

Women speak because they wish to speak,
whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like,
for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
- Jean Kerr

Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
- Jean Kerr

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be
the first person to have noticed this -
is that thereafter you have it.
- Jean Kerr

Some people have such a talent for making the best
of a bad situation that they go around creating bad
situations so they can make the best of them.
- Jean Kerr

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep.
That's deep enough.
What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
- Jean Kerr

One of the most difficult things to contend with in
a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff
that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.
- Jean Kerr

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical.
He pretends to be polite and then, eventually,
he becomes polite.
- Jean Kerr

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been
admiring for a long time in a shop window.
You may love it when you get it home,
but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
- Jean Kerr

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck,
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- Steven Wright

I would say that IQ is the strongest predictor of which
field you can get into and hold a job in,
whether you can be an accountant, lawyer or nurse,
for example.
- Daniel Goleman

They don't need a lawyer, they need a toastmaster.
- Edward Bennett Williams

I never saw a lawyer yet who would admit he was making money.
- Mary Roberts Rinehart

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
- Charles Lamb

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
- Mario Puzo

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

To force a lawyer on a defendant can only lead him
to believe that the law contrives against him.
- Potter Stewart

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer.
- Oliver North

A lawyer who does not know men is handicapped.
- William Dunbar

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world.
If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
- Bill Veeck

Deceive not thy physician, confessor,
nor lawyer.
- George Herbert

The good lawyer is the great salesman.
- Janet Reno

As a private lawyer, I could bill $750 an hour,
but I don't.
- Jay Alan Sekulow

Make crime pay.
Become a lawyer.
- Will Rogers

From your confessor, lawyer and physician,
hide not your case on no condition.
- John Harington

I'm afraid I talk a lot, too much, perhaps.
I should have been a lawyer or a college professor or a windy politician,
though I'm glad I am not any of these.
- Tom Glazer

I'm not sure I can say there is a clean line between
me as an individual and me as a lawyer.
- Anita Hill

One of the things I was taught in law school is that
I'd never be able to think the same again -
that being a lawyer is something that's part of who
I am as an individual now.
- Anita Hill

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind;
the lawyer all the wickedness,
the theologian all the stupidity.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I was 11 years of age.
- Johnnie Cochran

I used to want to be a lawyer, but I didn't want to
have half my brain sucked out.
- Max Walker

The events of the day inspired me to become a lawyer.
- Christopher Darden

A good lawyer is a bad Christian.
- John Lothrop Motley

Medical liability reform is not a Republican or Democrat
issue or even a doctor versus lawyer issue.
It is a patient issue.
- John Ensign

There were a lot of choices to make and I always picked artist.
I never once picked doctor, lawyer, firemen or something like that.
It was always artist.
- Maynard James Keenan

A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.
- Mario Puzo

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black
lawyer because he was black.
That was wrong.
They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.
- A. Whitney Brown

The lawyer has not reached the height of his vocation
who does not find therein...
scope for a peculiar but genuine artistic function.
- Frederick Pollock

I seriously doubt I would ever have written the first
story had I not been a lawyer.
I never dreamed of being a writer.
I wrote only after witnessing a trial.
- John Grisham

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer.
But I don't think I would have been very happy.
I'd be in front of the jury singing.
- Jennifer Lopez

Look at the number of cop shows and lawyer shows and forensics shows...
I think there could be room for two quite different
examinations of the same political office.
- Geena Davis

If a person is not talented enough to be a novelist,
not smart enough to be a lawyer, and his hands are
too shaky to perform operations,
he becomes a journalist.
- Norman Mailer

I don't believe man is a woman's natural enemy.
Perhaps his lawyer is.
- Shana Alexander

In violation of the Habeas Corpus Act and the fundamental
laws of our constitution these men have never been
brought to trail or even allowed to see a lawyer.
- John Amery

A divorce lawyer is a chameleon with a law book.
- Marvin Mitchelson

He wanted to be a lawyer, couldn't afford it,
so he started dealing to go to college -
good intention.
- John Leguizamo

I am a trial lawyer.
Matilda says that at dinner on a good day I sound like an affidavit.
- Mario Cuomo

A Lawyer will do anything to win a case,
sometimes he will even tell the truth.
- Patrick Murray

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a
lawyer or buying a commercial.
- Frank Dane

I wanted to play the part that Mary Kay played,
the lawyer who wanted to have baby and felt her clock ticking,
because it was something I could relate to.
- JoBeth Williams

When I was 15, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer.
No one thought this was a good idea.
- Constance Baker Motley

A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible
for about 25 percent of the outcome;
the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts.
- Melvin Belli

I'm not a politician.
I'm not a lawyer.
I'm just a country boy.
- Max Burns

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

A lawyer without history or literature is a mechanic,
a mere working mason; if he possesses some knowledge of these,
he may venture to call himself an architect.
- Walter Scott

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the
road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there
are skid marks around the skunk.
- Patrick Murray

There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law.
No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
- Jean Giraudoux

So, in a way I was hedging and saying that if the Olympic
stuff doesn't work out at least I can be a lawyer.
- Frank Shorter

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole
life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
- Hunter S. Thompson


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