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Marriage is a wonderful institution,
by H. L. Mencken

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

Related topics: Funny Marriage

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

 

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid
pregnancy by a resort to mathematics,
though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
- H. L. Mencken

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In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for;
as for me,
I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
- H. L. Mencken

It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise,
just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine
it run by a board of gods.
- H. L. Mencken

For every complex problem,
there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
- H.L. Mencken

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief
in the occurrence of the improbable.
- H. L. Mencken

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

Life is a constant oscillation
between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
- H. L. Mencken

The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
- H. L. Mencken

Bachelors know more about women than married men;
if they didn't they'd be married too.
- H. L. Mencken

War will never cease until babies begin to come into
the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy,
but that it is a bore.
It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
- H. L. Mencken

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
- H. L. Mencken

The believing mind is eternally impervious to evidence.
- H. L. Mencken

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
- H. L. Mencken

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Men have a much better time of it than women.
For one thing, they marry later; for another thing,
they die earlier.
- H. L. Mencken

Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.
- H. L. Mencken

All men are frauds.
The only difference between them is that some admit it.
I myself deny it.
- H. L. Mencken

Women have simple tastes.
They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.
- H. L. Mencken

One may no more live in the world without picking up
the moral prejudices of the world than one will be
able to go to hell without perspiring.
- H. L. Mencken

Poetry has done enough when it charms,
but prose must also convince.
- H. L. Mencken

It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

If women believed in their husbands they would be a
good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.
- H. L. Mencken

If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me
and have thought to please my ghost,
forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
- H. L. Mencken

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker,
but simply because I detest the sort of people who
go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
- H. L. Mencken

Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one,
as yet, is suspicious.
- H. L. Mencken

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure
he is one of God's children,
but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
- H. L. Mencken

Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life,
there is actually no truth to be discovered;
there is only error to be exposed.
- H. L. Mencken

It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion;
it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
- H. L. Mencken

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
- H. L. Mencken

Say what you will about the ten commandments,
you must always come back to the pleasant fact that
there are only ten of them.
- H. L. Mencken

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink
worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
- H. L. Mencken

Unquestionably, there is progress.
The average American now pays out twice as much in
taxes as he formerly got in wages.
- H. L. Mencken

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars
more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
- H. L. Mencken

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence
and yet keep both ears to the ground.
- H. L. Mencken

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being
good at billiards or golf.
- H. L. Mencken

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes
sports hates common sense.
- H. L. Mencken

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
- H. L. Mencken

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more
ignorant and the crazy crazier.
- H. L. Mencken

Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.
- H. L. Mencken

As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
- H. L. Mencken

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.
- H. L. Mencken

The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
- H. L. Mencken

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents,
he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
- H. L. Mencken

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear,
simple, and wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
- H. L. Mencken

Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone,
and (b) that is not true.
- H. L. Mencken

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail;
if it were not for this penalty,
the jury would never hear the evidence.
- H. L. Mencken

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their
marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women
that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.
- H. L. Mencken

The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt.
- H. L. Mencken


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