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Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy.
by Al Goldstein

Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy.
It is root canal work without anesthetic.
- Al Goldstein

Even though marriage is doomed, if you turned it into
a job you like and really work at it -
it can be salvaged.
- Al Goldstein

You need fighters like me to battle,
because frankly The New York Times and the Washington
Post are not going to fight the fights that I do.
- Al Goldstein

The only way marriage can work is if a man respects
the woman and she is a thinking woman and he wants to work on the marriage.
- Al Goldstein

 

I am not a prisoner of my sexuality like men younger
than myself although I write about being a prisoner.
- Al Goldstein

I keep attacking the villains, the know-nothings,
the people who want to take our freedoms away.
- Al Goldstein

Married life is an existence with bars around it.
- Al Goldstein

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A self made man is a rarity and hated by the parasites
that floated to fame thought their parents,
relatives and contacts.
- Al Goldstein

Philosophy is an attempt by man to find cause and effect.
Religion has the same goal.
- Al Goldstein

If you cannot work on the marriage or the women is a moron,
staying married and cheating makes the most sense because
divorce is disruptive to the family life and your bank account.
- Al Goldstein

Love is a deception and a trap.
Love is as big a myth that God sits with his flowing
white beard in a throne and looks at us.
- Al Goldstein

The true success is the person who invented himself.
- Al Goldstein

I refuse to be silenced.
- Al Goldstein

For me working on the marriage and not making the easy
choice of cheating was something that I could not do.
- Al Goldstein

So, if anatomy is destiny then testosterone is doom.
- Al Goldstein

To date or not to date that is the question.
It's almost as important as Shakespeare's to be or
not to be which deals with death.
- Al Goldstein

Celebrity gives us delusion of self importance.
- Al Goldstein

Our photographs are filthier and our stories are more disgusting.
We make no effort to be artistic.
- Al Goldstein

Since fame is an illusion and death is in our future
all we have is the next moment before we are swallowed into oblivion.
- Al Goldstein

Our stock in trade is raw, flailing sex.
- Al Goldstein

In reality there is no cause or effect,
there is only the indifference of the universe.
- Al Goldstein

I'm a crusader.
I really believe in the First Amendment,
and I use it fully, and I pay a price for that.
- Al Goldstein

There is a cliche that men want their women to be ladies
in public and hookers behind closed doors.
I want my woman to be the sharper image robot so that she can be turned off.
- Al Goldstein

When every piece of furniture and your underwear are taken by the bank,
when you lose your house in Florida,
in New York,
in Amsterdam and L.A., when your wife is dying and your son abandons you,
you don't feel very good.
- Al Goldstein

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Many important things shouldn't be done half-way.
Think of getting married, having children,
starting a business, changing your career.
There are times to gather your courage
and make the leap, the whole leap.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

That married couples can live together day after day
is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

I married beneath me, all women do.
- Nancy Astor

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

I married the first man I ever kissed.
When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.
- Barbara Bush

I met an American woman and got married so I had to get a job.
- Walter Wager

Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start
if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
- Elbert Hubbard

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about,
he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom;
wait until they have been married longer.
- Edgar Watson Howe

Staying married may have long-term benefits.
You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over
a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I'm married to the theater but my mistress is the films.
- Oskar Werner

Married or unmarried, young or old, poet or worker,
you are still a dreamer, and will one time know,
and feel, that your life is but a dream.
- Donald G. Mitchell

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

When I get married, it'll be no secret.
- Elvis Presley

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles,
because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering
why Daddy was kissing someone else.
- Chevy Chase

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married,
and another list of the reasons for their divorce,
you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
- Mignon McLaughlin

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men
for the criticism of one,
go ahead, get married.
- Katharine Hepburn

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

A man in love is incomplete until he has married.
Then he's finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A married woman has the same right to control her own
body as does an unmarried woman.
- Sol Wachtler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced
so they won't think something's wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

Caesar might have married Cleopatra,
but he had a wife at home.
There's always something.
- Will Cuppy

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The only good husbands stay bachelors:
They're too considerate to get married.
- Finley Peter Dunne

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Love is so much better when you're not married.
- Maria Callas

Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist,
and neither one would take the garbage out.
- Lee Grant

Bachelors know more about women than married men;
if they didn't they'd be married too.
- H. L. Mencken

One was never married, and that's his hell;
another is,
and that's his plague.
- Robert Burton

I've had an exciting time; I married for love and got
a little money along with it.
- Rose Kennedy

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
- Henny Youngman

When you have a baby, love is automatic,
when you get married, love is earned.
- Marie Osmond

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of
Commons until he is married.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Married people from my generation are like an endangered species!
- Patrice Leconte

Never get married in the morning - you never know who
you might meet that night.
- Paul Hornung

Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles.
- Henry Ward Beecher

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
- Red Skelton

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find
a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard


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