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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage -
by Rita Rudner

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage -
they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Related topics: Marriage

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

 

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet -
so we bought a dog.
Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
- Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed
that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
- Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love.
I'd stepped in it a few times.
- Rita Rudner

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Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
- Rita Rudner

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them.
My mother cleans them.
- Rita Rudner

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen.
Women reach theirs at thirty-five.
Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
- Rita Rudner

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."
- Rita Rudner

It's so great to find that one special person you want
to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
- Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are
still young enough to take care of them.
- Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after,
my mother's tasted better the day before.
- Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace.
It's fake.
I requested fake.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age,
I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
- Rita Rudner

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said:
If we're going to charge $10 an hour,
we can't call it Jumping up and down.
- Rita Rudner

I don't plan to grow old gracefully.
I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
- Rita Rudner

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they
always say the same thing:
'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
- Rita Rudner

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid.
Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large
breasts makes men stupid.
- Rita Rudner

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank,
except when it's very busy, when they have one.
- Rita Rudner

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly
want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle
of the night and fall in.
- Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle.
It wasn't mine.
- Rita Rudner

My grandmother was a very tough woman.
She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
- Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
- Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity.
That's how rich I want to be.
- Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country.
But he won't get a bikini wax.
- Rita Rudner

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom,
it was that no one would tell me where it was.
- Rita Rudner

The time you spend grieving over a man should never
exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
- Rita Rudner

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln

Men are disturbed not by things,
but by the view which they take of them.
- Epictetus

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.
Therefore, they had better aim at something high.
- Henry David Thoreau

I do not believe in a fate that
falls on men however they act;
but I do believe in a fate
that falls on them unless they act.
- The Buddha

Do not pray for easy lives.
Pray to be stronger men.
- John F. Kennedy

There are times, sir, when men of good conscience
cannot blindly follow orders.
- Captain Picard, STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Men in general judge more from
appearances than from reality. All
men have eyes, but few have
the gift of penetration.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

Shallow men believe in luck.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The reason why men do not obey us,
is because they see the mud at the bottom of our eye.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

There is a good ear, in some men,
that draws supplies to virtue
out of very indifferent nutriment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men of lofty genius,
when they are doing the least work,
are most active.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men are born to succeed, not to fail.
- Henry David Thoreau

Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau

Men are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Wise men put their trust in ideas
and not in circumstances
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
Mere tolerance has given place to a sentiment of brotherhood
between sincere men of all denominations.
- Helen Keller

More men fail through lack of purpose than lack of talent.
- Billy Sunday

How could man rejoice in victory
and delight in the slaughter of men?
- Lao Tzu

Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right.
Men will believe what they see.
- Henry David Thoreau

The only good luck many great men ever had was
being born with the ability and determination to overcome bad luck.
- Channing Pollock

Habits age men before their time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man becomes great exactly in the degree
in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The majority of men meet with failure
because of their lack of persistence
in creating new plans to take
the place of those which fail.
- Napoleon Hill

Great men or men of great gifts
you shall easily find,
but symmetrical men never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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