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The modern economy isn't about the redistribution of wealth,
by Doug Coupland

The modern economy isn't about the redistribution of wealth,
it's about the redistribution of time.
- Doug Coupland

If cats were double the size they are now,
they'd probably be illegal.
- Doug Coupland

People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families.
The only family that ever horrifies you is your own.
- Doug Coupland

It's very strange that most people don't care if their
knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.
- Doug Coupland

 

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that
you have too much free time.
- Doug Coupland

It's weird when people start sentences with 'frankly' -
as if their other sentences don't count.
- Doug Coupland

Fate is for losers.
- Doug Coupland

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Big companies are like marching bands.
Even if half the band is playing random notes,
it still sounds kind of like music.
The concealment of failure is built into them.
- Doug Coupland

Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives;
the rest is filler.
- Doug Coupland

I have trouble with seafood because it tastes like a dock.
- Doug Coupland

Everybody has basically the same family,
it's just reconfigured slightly differently from one to the next.
- Doug Coupland

Lottery tickets are a surtax on desperation.
- Doug Coupland

Human beings are the only animal that thinks they change
who they are simply by moving to a different place.
Birds migrate, but it's not quite the same thing.
- Doug Coupland

Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the
subject that clears out a room.
- Doug Coupland

Once you see someone lose it, you can never look at them the same way again.
- Doug Coupland

People will always choose more money over more sex.
- Doug Coupland

I don't want any vegetables, thank you.
I paid for the cow to eat them for me.
- Doug Coupland

There's a lot to be said for having a small manageable dream.
- Doug Coupland

I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that
they put inside of tinned ravioli?
- Doug Coupland

Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed
dating for clueless people.
- Doug Coupland

Gap clothing allows you to look like you're from nowhere and anywhere.
- Doug Coupland

If our subconscious was attractive, we wouldn't have
to bury it down deep within us.
- Doug Coupland

It also allows you to look as though you're not particularly from the present,
future or past, either.
- Doug Coupland

Forget about being world famous, it's hard enough just
getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence.
- Doug Coupland

Americans are a quarter of a billion people who have
almost nothing in common except for the fact they've
been told they have lots in common.
- Doug Coupland

Men won't read any email from a woman that's over 200 words long.
- Doug Coupland

On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin,
and then they look at your clothes, and by the time
they're listening to what you're saying,
you're off the screen.
- Doug Coupland

One of the cruelest things you can do to another person
is pretend you care about them more than you really do.
- Doug Coupland

I've got 911 on speed dial.
- Doug Coupland

Unhappiness is something we are never taught about;
we are taught to expect happiness,
but never a Plan B to use to use when the happiness doesn't arrive.
- Doug Coupland

Depression is when you have lots of love,
but no one's taking.
- Doug Coupland

Nothing very very good and nothing very very bad ever
lasts for very very long.
- Doug Coupland

Every human being you see in the course of a day has
a problem that's sucking up at least 70 percent of his or her radar.
- Doug Coupland

Purchased experiences don't count.
- Doug Coupland

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy
than an unspoken dress code?
- Doug Coupland

Feeling unique is no indication of uniqueness.
- Doug Coupland

Only losers make decisions when things are bad.
The time to rejig your life is the time when it's seemingly smooth.
- Doug Coupland

Thinking you're immortal is weirdly similar to being immortal.
- Doug Coupland

If God drives a car, He'd drive a 1973 Ford LTD Brougham
sedan with a claret-colored vinyl roof,
with oxblood leather upholstery and an opera window.
- Doug Coupland

Ten commandments yet seven deadly sins:
conflict?
- Doug Coupland

With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything.
People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for
the sensation of feeling clueless.
- Doug Coupland

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.
- Doug Coupland

The person who needs the other person the least in
a relationship is the stronger member.
- Doug Coupland

I find it hard to believe that human beings are the
crowning achievement of life on earth.
Something better than us has to come along.
- Doug Coupland

Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of
human beings have a sense of irony,
which means that eighty percent of the world takes
everything at face value.
- Doug Coupland

I like doing radio because it's so intimate.
The moment people hear your voice, you're inside there heads,
not only that, you're in there laying eggs.
- Doug Coupland

Christmas makes everything twice as sad.
- Doug Coupland

New York is a theme park for people with IQs over 108.
- Doug Coupland

You can't fake creativity, competence,
or sexual arousal.
- Doug Coupland

If nothing else, we simply get used to being alive.
- Doug Coupland

High school is such a shared experience in North American culture.
- Doug Coupland

In the future, torture will once again become the recreational sport of the rich.
- Doug Coupland

God is what keeps us together after the love is gone.
- Doug Coupland

Nature is one great big wood-chipper.
Sooner or later, everything shoots out the other end in a spray of blood,
bones and hair.
- Doug Coupland

What if God exists except it turns out he doesn't really like people very much?
- Doug Coupland

Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs.
It's like wanting the worst possible meat product without
even the thrill of it actually being meat.
- Doug Coupland

I think the killers get far too much attention.
- Doug Coupland

You can never become rich unless you like rich people.
- Doug Coupland

You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life
which you should be bringing about by yourself.
- Doug Coupland

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines:
three things the world could live completely without.
- Doug Coupland

I think money is due for some sort of collapse.
People are going to realize that money has a half-life,
like radioactive elements.
- Doug Coupland

Your brain forms roughly 10,000 new cells every day,
but unless they hook up to preexisting cells with strong memories,
they die.
Serves them right.
- Doug Coupland

It's difficult to speak with beautiful people.
No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise,
you still want them to like you.
- Doug Coupland

Where does personality end and brain damage begin?
- Doug Coupland

Long lives aren't natural.
We forget that senior citizens are as much an invention
as toasters or penicillin.
- Doug Coupland

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap.
It's a total turn-off.
- Doug Coupland

Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer,
simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.
- Doug Coupland

Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just
something we haul into the grave.
- Doug Coupland

If human beings had genuine courage,
they'd wear their costumes every day of the year,
not just on Halloween.
- Doug Coupland

Your body isn't just a body.
It's an ecosystem.
- Doug Coupland

Most people have no idea how to politely answer a phone.
The English do, and it's been their only major business
advantage for the past two centuries.
- Doug Coupland


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