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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted
by Fran Lebowitz

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted
my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
- Fran Lebowitz

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life
when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
- Fran Lebowitz

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear
a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
- Fran Lebowitz

 

If you're going to America, bring your own food.
- Fran Lebowitz

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
- Fran Lebowitz

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning
the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
- Fran Lebowitz

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I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child.
What happens to these children, you wonder,
when they reach adulthood?
- Fran Lebowitz

Original thought is like original sin:
both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
- Fran Lebowitz

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
- Fran Lebowitz

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how
clean the rest of the world is.
Clean is not enough.
- Fran Lebowitz

There is no such thing as inner peace.
There is only nervousness or death.
Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
- Fran Lebowitz

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults.
Few can carry it off successfully.
- Fran Lebowitz

Your life story would not make a good book.
Don't even try.
- Fran Lebowitz

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
- Fran Lebowitz

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
- Fran Lebowitz

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors,
a location where, it cannot be argued,
there are never enough comfortable chairs.
- Fran Lebowitz

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of
suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature,
do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
- Fran Lebowitz

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture
unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
- Fran Lebowitz

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
- Fran Lebowitz

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
- Fran Lebowitz

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections,
children tend to be sticky.
- Fran Lebowitz

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose
when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
- Fran Lebowitz

My favorite animal is steak.
- Fran Lebowitz

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
- Fran Lebowitz

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without
first specifically telling him that you want it back.
- Fran Lebowitz

Don't bother discussing sex with small children.
They rarely have anything to add.
- Fran Lebowitz

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things,
and small people talk about wine.
- Fran Lebowitz

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make
the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
- Fran Lebowitz

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism.
In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
- Fran Lebowitz

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage
of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
- Fran Lebowitz

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra.
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowitz

Polite conversation is rarely either.
- Fran Lebowitz

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land;
I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
- Fran Lebowitz

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
- Fran Lebowitz

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step -
it is an old business procedure.
- Fran Lebowitz

All God's children are not beautiful.
Most of God's children are, in fact,
barely presentable.
- Fran Lebowitz

Very few people possess true artistic ability.
It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate
the situation by making an effort.
If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint,
simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
- Fran Lebowitz

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,'
for it has been my invariable experience that the company
of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
- Fran Lebowitz

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future,
don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
- Fran Lebowitz

Nothing succeeds like address.
- Fran Lebowitz

The opposite of talking isn't listening.
The opposite of talking is waiting.
- Fran Lebowitz

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals.
To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
- Fran Lebowitz

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach.
This is possible but not attractive.
- Fran Lebowitz

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing,
because I assure you that what he feels like doing,
you won't feel like watching.
- Fran Lebowitz

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble
as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
- Fran Lebowitz

Radio news is bearable.
This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast,
the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
- Fran Lebowitz

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowitz

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without
having to offer them a drink.
- Fran Lebowitz

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters.
The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
- Fran Lebowitz

Romantic love is mental illness.
But it's a pleasurable one.
It's a drug.
It distorts reality, and that's the point of it.
It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
- Fran Lebowitz

My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends
only to such public areas as restaurants,
airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks,
and department stores.
Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private
are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
- Fran Lebowitz

I place a high moral value on the way people behave.
I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with
anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word -
politeness of the heart,
a gentleness of the spirit.
- Fran Lebowitz

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius

You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours,
if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach

You never really understand a person
until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee

There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have,
you will never, ever have enough.
- Oprah Winfrey

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou


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