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Most people have no idea how to politely answer a phone.
by Doug Coupland

Most people have no idea how to politely answer a phone.
The English do, and it's been their only major business
advantage for the past two centuries.
- Doug Coupland

If cats were double the size they are now,
they'd probably be illegal.
- Doug Coupland

People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families.
The only family that ever horrifies you is your own.
- Doug Coupland

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that
you have too much free time.
- Doug Coupland

 

It's very strange that most people don't care if their
knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.
- Doug Coupland

The person who needs the other person the least in
a relationship is the stronger member.
- Doug Coupland

When we constantly ask for miracles,
we're unraveling the fabric of the world.
A world of continuous miracles would not be a world,
it would be a cartoon.
- Doug Coupland

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High school is such a shared experience in North American culture.
- Doug Coupland

Failure is authentic, and because it's authentic,
it's real and genuine, and because of that,
it's a pure state of being.
- Doug Coupland

The future and eternity are two entirely different things.
- Doug Coupland

Flying dreams mean that you're doing the right thing with your life.
- Doug Coupland

A bland smile is like a green light at an intersection,
it feels good when you get one, but you forget it the moment you're past it.
- Doug Coupland

Sometimes failure isn't an opportunity in disguise,
it's just you.
- Doug Coupland

Good-looking people with strong, fluoridated teeth
get things handed to them on platters.
- Doug Coupland

Every single moment is a coincidence.
- Doug Coupland

One of the cruelest things you can do to another person
is pretend you care about them more than you really do.
- Doug Coupland

I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore.
They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'
- Doug Coupland

Christmas makes everything twice as sad.
- Doug Coupland

I think the killers get far too much attention.
- Doug Coupland

You can't get mad at weather because weather's not about you.
Apply that lesson to most other aspects of life.
- Doug Coupland

When you crop the photo, you tell a lie.
- Doug Coupland

If your life had lyrics, would they be any good?
- Doug Coupland

Gap clothing allows you to look like you're from nowhere and anywhere.
- Doug Coupland

Long lives aren't natural.
We forget that senior citizens are as much an invention
as toasters or penicillin.
- Doug Coupland

Cloning is great.
If God made the original, then making copies should be fine.
- Doug Coupland

Lottery tickets are a surtax on desperation.
- Doug Coupland

Unhappiness is something we are never taught about;
we are taught to expect happiness,
but never a Plan B to use to use when the happiness doesn't arrive.
- Doug Coupland

Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents
you from getting what you want.
- Doug Coupland

A man in a bookstore buys a book on loneliness and
every woman in the store hits on him.
A woman buys a book on loneliness and the store clears out.
- Doug Coupland

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines:
three things the world could live completely without.
- Doug Coupland

Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back.
Loaning books is the same as giving them away.
- Doug Coupland

Figure out what it is in life you don't do well,
and then don't do it.
- Doug Coupland

Florida isn't so much a place where one goes to reinvent oneself,
as it is a place where one goes if one no longer wished to be found.
- Doug Coupland

You spend a much larger part of your life being old,
not young.
- Doug Coupland

Blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos.
- Doug Coupland

You can't fake creativity, competence,
or sexual arousal.
- Doug Coupland

Everybody past a certain age, regardless of how they look on the outside,
pretty much constantly dreams of being able to escape from their lives.
- Doug Coupland

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap.
It's a total turn-off.
- Doug Coupland

Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question;
you're already an animal.
- Doug Coupland

Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of
human beings have a sense of irony,
which means that eighty percent of the world takes
everything at face value.
- Doug Coupland

People will always choose more money over more sex.
- Doug Coupland

There's a lot to be said for having a small manageable dream.
- Doug Coupland

Making eye contact with adults while dressed as a clown is risky.
- Doug Coupland

The harder you try to become the opposite of your parents,
the more quickly you become them.
- Doug Coupland

Star Trek characters never go shopping.
- Doug Coupland

Everybody has basically the same family,
it's just reconfigured slightly differently from one to the next.
- Doug Coupland

Men won't read any email from a woman that's over 200 words long.
- Doug Coupland

Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never
become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you.
- Doug Coupland

Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed
dating for clueless people.
- Doug Coupland

Depression is when you have lots of love,
but no one's taking.
- Doug Coupland

Before machines the only form of entertainment people
really had was relationships.
- Doug Coupland

If human beings had genuine courage,
they'd wear their costumes every day of the year,
not just on Halloween.
- Doug Coupland

Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise.
Most people can't handle a structureless life.
- Doug Coupland

Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives;
the rest is filler.
- Doug Coupland

Sometimes the best lighting of all is a power failure.
- Doug Coupland

Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the
subject that clears out a room.
- Doug Coupland

The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself.
- Doug Coupland

Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.
- Doug Coupland

You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life
which you should be bringing about by yourself.
- Doug Coupland

Americans are a quarter of a billion people who have
almost nothing in common except for the fact they've
been told they have lots in common.
- Doug Coupland

I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that
they put inside of tinned ravioli?
- Doug Coupland

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished,
then it's a failure.
- Doug Coupland

I find it hard to believe that human beings are the
crowning achievement of life on earth.
Something better than us has to come along.
- Doug Coupland

You can only fall in love six times in your life.
Choose wisely.
- Doug Coupland

The real killers in the business world aren't the ones who aim for the top,
it's the ones who aim for two notches below the top.
- Doug Coupland

If you don't change, then what's the point of anything happening to you?
- Doug Coupland

In our heads we're all about 33 years old.
- Doug Coupland

Fate is for losers.
- Doug Coupland

Feeling unique is no indication of uniqueness.
- Doug Coupland

Your ability to rationalize your own bad deeds makes
you believe that the whole world is as amoral as you are.
- Doug Coupland

Purchased experiences don't count.
- Doug Coupland


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