Search my Quotes DataBase - Enter one or two keywords and/or author last name.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain




Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Daily Inspiration - Quotes to Live By
Inspiration  |  Motivational Articles  |  Being Strong  |  Being Positive  |  Links  |  About
Topics:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

I played a great horse yesterday!
by Henny Youngman

I played a great horse yesterday!
It took seven horses to beat him.
- Henny Youngman

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
- Henny Youngman

I've got all the money I'll ever need,
if I die by four o'clock.
- Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

 

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
- Henny Youngman

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation,
he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
- Henny Youngman

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
- Henny Youngman

Please sign-up for my Free Inspirational Daily Email on the form below.

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
- Henny Youngman

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
- Henny Youngman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
- Henny Youngman

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
- Henny Youngman

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
- Henny Youngman

You have a ready wit.
Tell me when it's ready.
- Henny Youngman

Take my wife...
Please!
- Henny Youngman

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
- Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- Henny Youngman

A doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
- Henny Youngman

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
- Henny Youngman

This man used to go to school with his dog.
Then they were separated.
His dog graduated!
- Henny Youngman

Do you know what it means to come home at night to
a woman who'll give you a little love,
a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house,
that's what it means.
- Henny Youngman

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -
they have no holidays.
- Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking,
I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
- Henny Youngman

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- Henny Youngman

If you had your life to live over again,
do it overseas.
- Henny Youngman

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
- Henny Youngman

Those two are a fastidious couple.
She's fast and he's hideous.
- Henny Youngman

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
- Henny Youngman

My other brother-in-law died.
He was a karate expert, then joined the army.
The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
- Henny Youngman

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years.
If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
- Henny Youngman

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
- Henny Youngman

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time.
Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead.
I was afraid to bet.
- Henny Youngman

This is an elegant hotel!
Room service has an unlisted number.
- Henny Youngman

My dad was the town drunk.
Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
- Henny Youngman

My son complains about headaches.
I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed,
it's feet first!
- Henny Youngman

A Jewish woman had two chickens.
One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of
the other one to help the sick one get well.
- Henny Youngman

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
- Henny Youngman

If my mother knew I did this for a living,
she'd kill me.
She thinks I'm selling dope.
- Henny Youngman

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
- Henny Youngman

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
- Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed...
so much for skydiving.
- Henny Youngman

While playing golf today I hit two good balls.
I stepped on a rake.
- Henny Youngman

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night!
Finally, I let her out.
- Henny Youngman

This man is frank and earnest with women.
In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
- Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll
be sorry for tomorrow morning,
sleep late.
- Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill.
She cooks the same way.
- Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
- Henny Youngman

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out.
How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it,
and puts in into an unlocked car.
- Henny Youngman

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- Henny Youngman

I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred
to bring me to this moment.
I accept that no one else is ever to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrences of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played
any role in any of the events of my life
is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I give thanks for everything that has occurred
to bring me to this moment in time.
Every event that has ever occurred in my life
has played a crucial role in delivering me to this instant.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I Forgive Myself and All Others with Compassion -
I forgive everyone, especially myself,
for all actions and all inactions throughout my entire life.
I accept that no one else has ever been to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrence of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played any role
in any of the events of my life is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men
whose wives think they are out having fun.
- Jim Bishop

Tennis and golf are best played, not watched.
- Roger Kahn

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football,
basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.
- John Leonard

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

My parents and my grandfather on my mom's side would travel the earth.
They went to Australia and China, and they went to
probably every soccer game I ever played.
- Brandi Chastain

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Of all the roles I've played, none has been as fulfilling as being a mother.
- Annette Funicello

It had been almost 30 years since the LPGA has played in Mexico.
We are definitely looking forward to playing there
next year and also coming back to play in Mexico in a month or so.
- Natalie Gulbis

But slowly I began to use cameras and then think about
what it was that was going on.
It took me a long time, I mean I actually played with
cameras and photography for about 20 years.
- David Hockney

Religion obviously played a role in this book and the previous book,
too.
- Studs Terkel

Yeah, well I've always played comedy.
My background is musical comedy theatre and that's
really where my training is.
As an actor, that's my training.
- Christopher Walken

I remember I was like five or six years old;
I played the devil.
That was my first role.
- Raul Julia

When I played Dean Martin, he was dead when we made
the movie but there would have been nothing better
than to spend a week with Dean Martin if I could have.
- Joe Mantegna

I was the same kind of father as I was a harpist -
I played by ear.
- Harpo Marx

Whenever I played Columbus, Ohio, I dropped in to see my close friend,
a medium who had mysterious powers.
Her Indian guide was Mohawk.
- Ethel Waters

I played piano, I learned a lot about music.
- Maximilian Schell

Golf is played with the arms.
- Sam Snead

We played for power and impact.
- John Gallagher


Quotes and Sayings

---------


Thank you for visiting: I played a great horse yesterday! by Henny Youngman.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Quotes and Sayings.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


Sign-up to receive Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes
free via email

Daily inspirational quotes and motivational messages of self-worth, choice,
positive attitude, happiness, forgiveness, and gratitude.
Inspiring motivational sayings plus Jonathan's insights into life,
relationships, and joyful living.

Enter Your E-Mail Address:
Enter Your Name (what you want to be called):
To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.
Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.

Or Subscribe to the Feedburner feed for Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes.



All materials & writings are copyright ©. You may read about our disclaimer, our privacy policy, our copyright policy, terms of use, participation in affiliate programs, and the list of all our websites.