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I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller,
by Todd Barry

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller,
but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller.
I guess I was just less interesting than I am now,
if I am interesting at all.
- Todd Barry

There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake.
- Todd Barry

I basically did comedy there for about a year,
and then moved to New York.
If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself
on the road for at least a year.
- Todd Barry

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat,
so it's not that brutal.
It's only $6.
- Todd Barry

 

You always think you're better than you are in the beginning.
- Todd Barry

Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days.
- Todd Barry

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating
all humankind with love and respect a sport.
- Todd Barry

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If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss,
wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward.
- Todd Barry

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta.
I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I've always had scattered interests,
but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that.
- Todd Barry

And the goal really is to make the audience laugh,
to bring them some joy.
- Todd Barry

I got access to a private tour of the zoo.
I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend.
- Todd Barry

I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.
- Todd Barry

I loved Australia.
I was very successful there.
- Todd Barry

I don't know any astronauts.
There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.
- Todd Barry

I used to write things out beforehand.
But sometimes it backfires.
- Todd Barry

I've never been a TV junkie.
I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show.
- Todd Barry

I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone.
- Todd Barry

I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.
- Todd Barry

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place.
- Todd Barry

Anyone who bombs is my friend.
- Todd Barry

If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape,
I tend to go nuts.
- Todd Barry

Some venues are better run than others.
Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners
being served in front of your face.
You can have a good or bad show anywhere.
- Todd Barry

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started.
- Todd Barry

I don't really know much about pirates,
or pirate culture.
I'd be a contrarian pirate.
- Todd Barry

Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle.
It's a comedy show started by David Cross,
me and Jon Benjamin.
It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons.
- Todd Barry

I like pens.
My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase.
- Todd Barry

I want to release another CD this year,
finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film.
- Todd Barry

I will not be misquoted!
- Todd Barry

I had temping jobs also.
I liked the flexibility.
There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.
- Todd Barry

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity,
but I'm too classy to bring that up.
- Todd Barry

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit.
There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also.
- Todd Barry

It was actually 3 years between albums.
That seems like a long time to me.
- Todd Barry

It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only.
It feels more special.
- Todd Barry

I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again,
which is strange.
- Todd Barry

I did end up doing substitute teaching,
but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.
- Todd Barry

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.
- Todd Barry

People in New York love having roof parties.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom,
so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide
you wanted to be a comic,
and on Monday, you could be on stage.
- Todd Barry

I love chicken.
I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.
- Todd Barry

I must have done everything I had.
You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written.
- Todd Barry

I had some friends that tried it down there,
and I went to a couple of open mics,
and I just kind of got this...
this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this
is what I should be doing before I realized it,
consciously.
Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it,
even though I was driving everywhere,
every night, just trying to get on stage.
- Todd Barry

There's people that are just in awe of what you do,
and then there are people who just think it's garbage.
And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable
seeing someone have fun with their job.
- Todd Barry

Only lately, like within the last few years,
have I had people actually do an impression of me to me,
which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on,
without ever realizing it myself.
- Todd Barry

I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge
of certain things for people who are not comedians.
Like Montreal.
A comic understands what it is and its importance,
but someone else may not know about it.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses
make a comment about a joke of mine,
like pointing out some sort of logic error or something
that I've never even thought about,
and they're right.
- Todd Barry

I would call it a comedy variety show.
We have some people just doing straight standup.
We usually try to have one musical act of sort.
So its just people being funny in different ways,
not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters,
all of those things.
- Todd Barry

People don't understand that that's really what it is.
They're looking for a magic phone number or something.
And to a certain extent, I understand that,
because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people.
- Todd Barry

If you think you can,
or you think you can't,
you're probably right.
- Henry Ford

Nobody cares how much you know,
until they know how much you care.
- attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, among others,
but probably earlier and anonymous

What you don't do daily, you probably won't do weekly either.
What you make a habit of putting-off
just keeps getting pushed away again and again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden

If you don't know what you want, you will probably never get it.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

If you have health, you probably will be happy,
and if you have health and happiness,
you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want.
- Elbert Hubbard

One man with courage makes a majority.
- old saying probably repeated by Andrew Jackson
(falsely attributed to Jefferson)

Sister is probably the most competitive
relationship within the family,
but once the sisters are grown,
it becomes the strongest relationship.
- Margaret Mead

It's the little things you do
that can make a big difference.
What are you attempting to accomplish?
What little thing can you do today
that will make you more effective?
You are probably only one step away from greatness.
- Bob Proctor

In all our contacts, it is probably the sense
of being really needed and wanted
which gives us the greatest satisfaction
and creates the most lasting bond.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,'
probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
- Woody Allen

Anger is something that each one of us has experienced -
some of us only occasionally, some almost daily.
Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not.
We will always have expectations,
and those expectations will often be unmet.
Disappointment is the principle cause of anger.
When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame.
Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger.
Anger is always directed at someone -
possibly toward God or the non-specific "they,"
but at some animate entity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan.
- Alan Perlis

Adolescents are not monsters.
They are just people trying to learn how to make it
among the adults in the world,
who are probably not so sure themselves.
- Virginia Satir

Approach the game with no preset agendas and you'll
probably come away surprised at your overall efforts.
- Phil Jackson

If cats were double the size they are now,
they'd probably be illegal.
- Doug Coupland

Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I would have probably stolen cars - it would have given
me the same adrenaline rush as racing.
- Valentino Rossi

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite
of what you are inclined to do,
and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
- Ben Hogan

I think Australian food is probably some of the best in the world.
- Karrie Webb


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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