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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of. ...
by Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
- Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children,
as they are already stretched and pulled to such a
length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

 

Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel -
first class,
and with children.
- Robert Benchley

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There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people
will not go to analyze humor.
It seems to worry them.
- Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley

You might think that after thousands of years of coming
up too soon and getting frozen,
the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
- Robert Benchley

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves
be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door,
simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
- Robert Benchley

We are constantly being surprised that people did things
well before we were born.
- Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
- Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people,
and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
- Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on.
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
- Robert Benchley

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe,
let him go back to where he came from.
- Robert Benchley

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman
without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
- Robert Benchley

In a house where there are small children the bathroom
soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
- Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience,
loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat
short of being impressive,
owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows
what we are talking about.
- Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death,
but then I'm in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening
in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin
of his left ear from twirling around on it.
- Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go
to a game prepared to take offense,
no matter what happens.
- Robert Benchley

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
- Robert Benchley

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band
coming up the street and not to have the impulse to
rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.
- Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how
I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
- Robert Benchley

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything
isn't money and power in this world,
and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
- Robert Benchley

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the
necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
- Robert Benchley

I have been told by hospital authorities that more
copies of my works are left behind by departing patients
than those of any other author.
- Robert Benchley

After an author has been dead for some time,
it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers
to get a new book out of him each year.
- Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them.
But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs.
I think also that it may have something written on the back of it,
although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
- Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul.
If that upheaval is not present then it must come from
the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
- Robert Benchley

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that
no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission.
It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
- Robert Benchley

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle,
bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush,
we spend an enormous amount of time standing around
in line in front of windows,
just waiting.
- Robert Benchley

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering
is worse than the suffering itself.
- Paulo Coelho

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
- George S. Patton

Tell me what company thou keepst,
and I'll tell thee what thou art.
- Miguel de Cervantes

It's essential to tell the truth at all times.
This will reduce life's pain.
Lying distorts reality.
All forms of distorted thinking must be corrected.
- John Bradshaw

Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.
- Saint Bartholomew

You don't need anybody to tell you
who you are or what you are.
You are what you are!
- John Lennon

I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie.
- Michel de Montaigne

Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Intent is what can make a man succeed
when his thoughts tell him that he is defeated.
- Carlos Castaneda

We tell the real truth of our life
by the stories we repeatedly tell.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We tell lies, yet it is easy to show that lying is immoral.
- Epictetus

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job,
tell 'em, Certainly I Can. -
and get busy and find out how to do it.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
- Naguib Mahfouz

What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane

If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray

The most interesting information comes from children,
for they tell all they know and then stop.
- Mark Twain

No greater thing is created suddenly,
any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig.
If you tell me that you desire a fig,
I answer you that there must be time.
Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
- Epictetus

I used to tell my husband that,
if he could make me "understand" something,
it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Tell me whom you live with,
and I will tell you who you are.
- Spanish Proverb

NO ONE has been granted the authority to tell me
how my life should be lived.
I answer only to myself and to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.
- Jonas Salk

It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin

If I could tell the world just one thing
it would be we're all okay,
and not to worry cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these.
I won't be made useless.
I won't be idle with despair,
I will gather myself around my faith.
Light does the darkness most fear.
- Jewel

People will, in a great degree,
and not without reason,
form their opinion of you upon
that which they have of your friends;
and there is a Spanish proverb
which says very justly,
"Tell me whom you live with,
and I will tell you who you are.
- Lord Chesterfield

We take refuge in pride,
because we are afraid to tell the truth to ourselves.
- Kakuzo Okakura

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

I take every opportunity to articulate to others
the ways that they have blessed and influenced me.
I hold sweet memories of making the opportunity
to thank teachers who have influenced me.
I encourage everyone to seize opportunities
to tell people who have made a gift of knowledge or influence.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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