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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit,
by Joan Rivers

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit,
the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
- Joan Rivers

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
- Joan Rivers

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath
toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

 

Never floss with a stranger.
- Joan Rivers

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
- Joan Rivers

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good,
until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think
in your mind that the counsel is wise.
- Joan Rivers

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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else,
and we strive to swim on top.
- Joan Rivers

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
- Joan Rivers

I'm Jewish.
I don't work out.
If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
- Joan Rivers

Yeah, I read history.
But it doesn't make you nice.
Hitler read history, too.
- Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house,
and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
- Joan Rivers

I don't excercise.
If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals.
She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
- Joan Rivers

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth
he forgot to cut the cord.
For a year that kid followed me everywhere.
It was like having a dog on a leash.
- Joan Rivers

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
- Joan Rivers

People say that money is not the key to happiness,
but I always figured if you have enough money,
you can have a key made.
- Joan Rivers

I blame my mother for my poor sex life.
All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.'
For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
- Joan Rivers

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you.
For years I used to wake up my daughter and say,
'Melissa you ripped me to shreds.
Now go back to sleep.'.
- Joan Rivers

The first time I see a jogger smiling,
I'll consider it.
- Joan Rivers

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
- Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
- Joan Rivers

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
- Joan Rivers

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
- Joan Rivers

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
- Joan Rivers

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- Joan Rivers

I hate housework!
You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months
later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look
like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me.
And equal partners we will be.
- Joan Rivers

A man can sleep around, no questions asked,
but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
- Joan Rivers

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
- Joan Rivers

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
- Joan Rivers

My routines come out of total unhappiness.
My audiences are my group therapy.
- Joan Rivers

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

Know the power of saying, "Thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

I thank Spirit for EVERYTHING
that has brought me to this moment,
and entrust my entire being
to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am a self-centered spoiled-rotten brat,
Thank you for nurturing me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I take every opportunity to articulate to others
the ways that they have blessed and influenced me.
I hold sweet memories of making the opportunity
to thank teachers who have influenced me.
I encourage everyone to seize opportunities
to tell people who have made a gift of knowledge or influence.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is my choice to care deeply about others.
No kindness is too small to be important -
the smile to the bank teller,
the sincere "thank you" for all kindnesses received,
the reassuring hand on the shoulder of a loved one or friend.
There is compassion in selfless generosity,
but there is also compassion in heartfelt empathy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.
The last is to say thank you.
In between, the leader is a servant.
- Max de Pree

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

Thank you for joining me on this journey we call Life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

Not for nothing is their motto TGIF -
'Thank God It's Friday.' They live for the weekends,
when they can go do what they really want to do.
- Richard Nelson Bolles

Thank god, and now all I have are, twenty one years together,
in January and, you know, I, you know I forgot this all about things.
And anyway the first place is good thing.
- Olga Korbut

It's like real life: We don't get a preview of what's coming up,
thank God, and we don't build our own character from
what we're going to be informed with in the future.
- Frances Conroy

I have good looking kids.
Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

It's nice to go to small places where we had a lot of fans.
They followed our career and it's kind of a way to
say thank you to them and do it for a good cause.
- Guy Lafleur

When the punk thing came along and I heard my friends saying,
I hate these people with the pins in their ears.
I said, Thank God, something got their attention.
- Neil Young

The room where I am lodging is stupendous.
Thank God I am as fit as a fiddle.
- Pietro Mascagni

I was offered a free villa in Hollywood,
but I said no thank you, I prefer to live in Italy.
- Ennio Morricone

We don't thrive on military acts.
We do them because we have to, and thank God we are efficient.
- Golda Meir

Now I meet people with full-color Wolverine tattoos on their backs.
Thank God I did okay, because I think if I hadn't,
they'd spit on me in the street.
- Hugh Jackman

To race Formula three is very high risk and I am not going to take a chance.
Thank god I am not doing it!
- Emerson Fittipaldi

My function is, as objectively and accurately as I can,
to present reality to people out there,
and doing that as quickly as we do is quite difficult enough,
thank you.
- Ted Koppel

Thank god my wife is neither a Serb nor a Jew.
- Franjo Tudjman

Thank God for our form of government.
The media won't let there be any cover-up.
- John McCain

Thank God I never got in a fight.
All of the jock dudes hated me, but all of their girlfriends
thought I was nice so they wouldn't touch me.
It was infuriating to them.
- Mark Hoppus

I just thank God for all of the blessings.
- James Brown

I don't want any vegetables, thank you.
I paid for the cow to eat them for me.
- Doug Coupland

Thank God for little miracles, right?
- Michael Bergin

I want to thank all the women who have worn my clothes,
the famous and the unknown, who have been so faithful
to me and given me so much joy.
- Yves Saint Laurent

We all want to thank Emmitt for allowing us to enjoy every yard.
- Michael Irvin

Never thank anybody for anything, except a drink of water in the desert -
and then make it brief.
- Gene Fowler

I will thank God for the day and the moment I have.
- Jim Valvano


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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