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The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure
by H. L. Mencken

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure
he is one of God's children,
but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
- H. L. Mencken

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

 

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

Men have a much better time of it than women.
For one thing, they marry later; for another thing,
they die earlier.
- H. L. Mencken

War will never cease until babies begin to come into
the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
- H. L. Mencken

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For every complex problem,
there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
- H.L. Mencken

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken

The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy,
but that it is a bore.
It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
- H. L. Mencken

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief
in the occurrence of the improbable.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
- H. L. Mencken

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Bachelors know more about women than married men;
if they didn't they'd be married too.
- H. L. Mencken

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid
pregnancy by a resort to mathematics,
though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
- H. L. Mencken

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for;
as for me,
I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
- H. L. Mencken

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

The believing mind is eternally impervious to evidence.
- H. L. Mencken

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
- H. L. Mencken

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
- H. L. Mencken

It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise,
just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine
it run by a board of gods.
- H. L. Mencken

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Life is a constant oscillation
between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
- H. L. Mencken

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in
terms of the not worth knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Women have simple tastes.
They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.
- H. L. Mencken

A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness,
but after that he begins to bunch them.
- H. L. Mencken

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes
sports hates common sense.
- H. L. Mencken

In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought
and man from an open raft.
- H. L. Mencken

No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating
the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.
Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.
- H. L. Mencken

As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
- H. L. Mencken

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
- H. L. Mencken

Time stays, we go.
- H. L. Mencken

Every normal man must be tempted, at times,
to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
and begin slitting throats.
- H. L. Mencken

One may no more live in the world without picking up
the moral prejudices of the world than one will be
able to go to hell without perspiring.
- H. L. Mencken

A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.
- H. L. Mencken

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with,
even if he drank.
- H. L. Mencken

If women believed in their husbands they would be a
good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.
- H. L. Mencken

Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone,
and (b) that is not true.
- H. L. Mencken

The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought
is its massive proof that God is a bore.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women
that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.
- H. L. Mencken

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never
been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
- H. L. Mencken

I write in order to attain that feeling of tension
relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.
- H. L. Mencken

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their
marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
- H. L. Mencken

No man ever quite believes in any other man.
One may believe in an idea absolutely,
but not in a man.
- H. L. Mencken

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems
to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
- H. L. Mencken

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
- H. L. Mencken

Injustice is relatively easy to bear;
what sting is justice.
- H. L. Mencken

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear,
simple, and wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
- H. L. Mencken

Unquestionably, there is progress.
The average American now pays out twice as much in
taxes as he formerly got in wages.
- H. L. Mencken

I believe that all government is evil,
and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
- H. L. Mencken

I confess I enjoy democracy immensely.
It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.
- H. L. Mencken

What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
- H. L. Mencken

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.
- H. L. Mencken

The chief value of money lies in the fact that one
lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
- H. L. Mencken

Democracy is also a form of worship.
It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
- H. L. Mencken

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents,
he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
- H. L. Mencken


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