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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -
by Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -
keep away from children.
- Phyllis Diller

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller PHOTO

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
- Phyllis Diller

 

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller

There's a new medical crisis.
Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic
reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?
- Phyllis Diller

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The reason women don't play football is because 11
of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
- Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
- Phyllis Diller

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
- Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
- Phyllis Diller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband,
Fang.
How about short and cheap?
- Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
- Phyllis Diller

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know
what a millionaire looked like.
- Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:
Eat out.
- Phyllis Diller

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age -
as your beauty fades,
so will his eyesight.
- Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the
ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
- Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
- Phyllis Diller

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head
down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
- Phyllis Diller

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep,
or I'd be rotten to the core.
- Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
- Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
- Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
- Phyllis Diller

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down
is so you can't see him laughing.
- Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast.
Turned out to be a trick knee.
- Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's
lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve
telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said,
'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
- Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is
looking for a job the next day.
- Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument,
a bank has just been robbed.
- Phyllis Diller

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
- Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
- Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was
to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
- Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
- Phyllis Diller

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
- Phyllis Diller

There's so little money in my bank account,
my scenic checks show a ghetto.
- Phyllis Diller

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration:
set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,
cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell,
simmer down and go about business as usual.
- Phyllis Diller

Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night -
be it prayer,
tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.
- Frank Sinatra

At age 12, I was put on tranquilizers when I should have gotten help.
There was nothing major and awful, I just didn't feel
my family was supportive and emotionally generous.
- Paula Danziger

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Live boldly. Laugh Loudly. Love Truly.
Play as often as you can
Work as smart as you are able.
Share your heart as deeply as you can reach.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A time for work, a time for play -
balance in all things.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am a great believer in luck
and I find that the harder
I work the more I have of it.
- Thomas Jefferson

If in our daily life we can smile,
if we can be peaceful and happy,
not only we, but everyone will profit from it.
This is the most basic kind of peace work.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Opportunity is missed by most people
because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Edison

You only live once -
but if you work it right, once is enough.
- Joe E. Lewis

Let us touch the dying, the poor,
the lonely and the unwanted
according to the graces we have received
and let us not be ashamed
or slow to do the humble work.
- Mother Teresa

The difference between work and play lies 100%
in the attitude of the participant.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have not failed.
I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison

Hard work pays off.
- Anonymous

The common denominator for success is work.
- John D. Rockefeller

The sum of wisdom is that
time is never lost that is devoted to work.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
- Vince Lombardi

A leader is most effective when people barely know he exists.
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
his troops will feel they did it themselves.
- Lao Tzu

Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman

Take time to laugh.
It is the music of the soul.
Take time to think.
It is the source of power.
Take time to play.
It is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to read.
It is the fountain of wisdom.
Take time to pray.
It is the greatest power on Earth.
Take time to love and be loved.
It is a God-given privilege.
Take time to be friendly.
It is the road to happiness.
Take time to give.
It is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to work.
It is the price of success.
- Anonymous

The choice is to work alone to be a little
more successful than the next person,
or to work together for the great betterment of humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is joy in work.
There is no happiness except in the realization
that we have accomplished something.
- Henry Ford

Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

The miracle is not that we do this work,
but that we are happy to do it.
- Mother Teresa

Laziness may appear attractive,
but work gives satisfaction.
- Anne Frank

Nothing is ever going to work out the way you want,
so you may as well choose to want the way life does work out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Many hands make light work.
- Proverb

The price of success is hard work,
dedication to the job at hand,
and the determination that whether we win or lose,
we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.
- Vince Lombardi

Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.
- Henry Kaiser

There is no substitute for hard work.
- Thomas Edison

Work as smart as you are able.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


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