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I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
by Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley

Related topics: Funny

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel -
first class,
and with children.
- Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children,
as they are already stretched and pulled to such a
length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
- Robert Benchley

 

Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people
will not go to analyze humor.
It seems to worry them.
- Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

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Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band
coming up the street and not to have the impulse to
rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.
- Robert Benchley

In a house where there are small children the bathroom
soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
- Robert Benchley

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening
in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin
of his left ear from twirling around on it.
- Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people,
and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
- Robert Benchley

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go
to a game prepared to take offense,
no matter what happens.
- Robert Benchley

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything
isn't money and power in this world,
and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
- Robert Benchley

I have been told by hospital authorities that more
copies of my works are left behind by departing patients
than those of any other author.
- Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves
be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door,
simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
- Robert Benchley

You might think that after thousands of years of coming
up too soon and getting frozen,
the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
- Robert Benchley

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman
without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
- Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how
I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
- Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience,
loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on.
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
- Robert Benchley

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat
short of being impressive,
owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows
what we are talking about.
- Robert Benchley

We are constantly being surprised that people did things
well before we were born.
- Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
- Robert Benchley

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
- Robert Benchley

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
- Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death,
but then I'm in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe,
let him go back to where he came from.
- Robert Benchley

After an author has been dead for some time,
it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers
to get a new book out of him each year.
- Robert Benchley

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the
necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
- Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul.
If that upheaval is not present then it must come from
the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
- Robert Benchley

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them.
But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs.
I think also that it may have something written on the back of it,
although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
- Robert Benchley

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that
no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission.
It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
- Robert Benchley

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle,
bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush,
we spend an enormous amount of time standing around
in line in front of windows,
just waiting.
- Robert Benchley

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
- Abraham Lincoln

Anyone who has never made a mistake,
has never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams.
Think not about your frustrations,
but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,
but with what it is still possible for you to do.
- Pope John XXIII

I tried to remember how to exhale.
I had to look away before it came back to me.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few,
and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
- George Washington

I auditioned on my own.
I tried to make a mark for myself without anybody's help,
not even Mom's.
- Kate Hudson

I have tried to lift France out of the mud.
But she will return to her errors and vomitings.
I cannot prevent the French from being French.
- Charles de Gaulle

Today, try something you have never tried before.
Perhaps just a food that is new to you -
perhaps a whole new way of living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West

I started dieting.
I dieted, dieted, dieted and tried all the diets and
I would lose and then I would go back to normal eating
and would put it on and then some.
- Suzanne Somers

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

I've tried word processors, but I think I'm too old a dog to use one.
- Dee Brown

I have tried lately to read Shakespeare,
and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
- Charles Darwin

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
- Bill Watterson

Defeat is not the worst of failures.
Not to have tried is the true failure.
- George Edward Woodberry

There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well, this week for example, I was just in Los Angeles
making a documentary for German television on whales.
They had tried to get me in England where they missed me.
- Wavy Gravy

I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.
- Ted Lange

I was on dialysis for 18 months before the transplant,
so it was important I tried to look ahead to days like
my comeback this Saturday.
You need those big goals to drive you on.
- Jonah Lomu

One thing I've tried to do in writing music is take on very basic things,
very archetypal things.
- Harrison Birtwistle

I just tried to keep my cool and continue with my race plan:
to win.
- Mark Spitz

We tried not to age, but time had its rage.
- Pete Townshend

Right now, the Anglo people are desperately trying
to hold on to the United States,
like they tried to hold on to Africa.
- Edward James Olmos

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book,
but many have tried while trying to write one.
- Robert Byrne

Any man who has ever tried to use political power for
the common good has felt an awful sense of powerlessness.
- Robert Casey

I tried to pay some small tribute to A Man and a Woman
(1966) with the recurring musical theme.
- Dwight Yoakam

I have spent much of my adult life flinching with pain
as I tried to pull out the threads that bound the shadows of my past to me.
- Lorna Luft

Though many have tried, no one has ever yet explained
away the decisive fact that science,
which can do so much, cannot decide what it ought to do.
- Joseph Wood Krutch

Well, I think we tried very hard not to be overconfident,
because when you get overconfident, that's when something snaps up and bites you.
- Neil Armstrong

Democracy, as has been said of Christianity,
has never really been tried.
- Stuart Chase

The more people pointed at me in scorn the more stubborn
I got and when they began calling me the Bad Girl of West Seattle High,
I tried to live up to it.
- Frances Farmer

I realized that I needed to be anonymous on the street
and somebody else on the stage.
I had tried to put my street self on the stage,
but what they want is an actor on stage.
- Bobby Darin


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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