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I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
by Rita Rudner

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner

Related topics: Parenting

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed
that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
- Rita Rudner

 

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet -
so we bought a dog.
Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
- Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
- Rita Rudner

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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage -
they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love.
I'd stepped in it a few times.
- Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly
want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle
of the night and fall in.
- Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
- Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
- Rita Rudner

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen.
Women reach theirs at thirty-five.
Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
- Rita Rudner

I don't plan to grow old gracefully.
I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
- Rita Rudner

It's so great to find that one special person you want
to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them.
My mother cleans them.
- Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace.
It's fake.
I requested fake.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age,
I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
- Rita Rudner

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

The time you spend grieving over a man should never
exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
- Rita Rudner

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they
always say the same thing:
'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
- Rita Rudner

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid.
Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large
breasts makes men stupid.
- Rita Rudner

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."
- Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after,
my mother's tasted better the day before.
- Rita Rudner

My grandmother was a very tough woman.
She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
- Rita Rudner

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said:
If we're going to charge $10 an hour,
we can't call it Jumping up and down.
- Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity.
That's how rich I want to be.
- Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are
still young enough to take care of them.
- Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country.
But he won't get a bikini wax.
- Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank,
except when it's very busy, when they have one.
- Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle.
It wasn't mine.
- Rita Rudner

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom,
it was that no one would tell me where it was.
- Rita Rudner

How do you want to be remembered?
Live life full out - Begin today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The jump is so frightening
between where I am,
and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become,
I will close my eyes and leap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes the things you really want
sneak in the back door.
Notice.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

At the center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want.
- Lao Tzu

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
- Bill Cosby

Success is getting what you want;
happiness is wanting what you get.
- Dale Carnegie

If you want to be happy, be.
- Leo Tolstoy

Be the change you want to see in the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Celebrate what you want to see more of.
- Tom Peters

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs

You can do what you want to do.
- David Thomas

I know the price of success: dedication, hard work,
and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Do you want to know who you are?
Don't ask. Act!
Action will delineate and define you.
- Thomas Jefferson

The indispensable first step to getting
the things you want out of life is this:
Decide what you want.
- Ben Stein

If you want to be heroic,
Don't emulate your heroes,
learn from them.
Heroes don't follow anyone,
they set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We have to let go of all blame, all attacking, all judging,
to free our inner selves to attract what we say we want.
- Joe Vitale

Know that you can have whatever you want,
when you ask from a compassionate heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you want to do it,
Do It - TODAY.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What you want is irrelevant,
what you have chosen is at hand.
- Spock character in Star Trek VI movie

Learn to become still. And to take your attention
away from what you don't want, and all the emotional charge around it,
and place your attention on what you wish to experience.
- Michael Beckwith

Not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Dalai Lama

We really have to understand the person we want to love.
If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie

Motivation is the art of getting people to do
what you want them to do because they want to do it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive.
If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.
- Anonymous

Never say or do anything you wouldn't want
to be the last thing you ever said or did.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor.
Do you know your next door neighbor?
- Mother Teresa

Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.
It is the belief that God will do what is right.
- Max Lucado

Nothing is ever going to work out the way you want,
so you may as well choose to want the way life does work out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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