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I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument.
by Jay London

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument.
He told me to knock myself out.
- Jay London

Related topics: Dad

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
- Jay London

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis,
and I said compared to who?
- Jay London

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
- Jay London

 

My father would take me to the playground,
and put me on mood swings.
- Jay London

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia.
I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
- Jay London

I went to the store and bought lady fingers,
when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing
so I went back to the store and the manager was nice
enough to give me the finger.
- Jay London

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My boss told me to get my butt in gear.
I told him I was shiftless.
- Jay London

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
- Jay London

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
- Jay London

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.
- Jay London

You know what burns me? Matches.
- Jay London

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?
- Jay London

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be',
they told me it wasn't enough.
- Jay London

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
- Jay London

A guy gave me a job at an information booth -
no questions asked.
- Jay London

I saw a stationery store move.
- Jay London

I was born nine months premature.
- Jay London

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.
- Jay London

I model irregular clothing.
- Jay London

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part,
cause we have nicknames.
So I named my private part pride...
it's not much but at least I have my pride.
- Jay London

I was going to buy a book on hair loss,
but the pages kept falling out.
- Jay London

People read me but they don't subscribe.
- Jay London

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket,
she said it fit my personality.
- Jay London

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
- Jay London

Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?
- Jay London

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist -
she did everybody.
- Jay London

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent.
They kicked me out for pan-handling.
- Jay London

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
- Jay London

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
- Jay London

Do you know it was a year a ago today?
- Jay London

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions.
He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
- Jay London

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take
pictures we can't say cheese.
- Jay London

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
- Jay London

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training,
I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
- Jay London

A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
- John Burroughs

Sometimes you get the results you wanted,
sometimes you don't.
What matters is that you did your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa

In all our contacts, it is probably the sense
of being really needed and wanted
which gives us the greatest satisfaction
and creates the most lasting bond.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up.
I wish my grandmother had done the same.
I wanted my girls to know me.
- Carol Burnett

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one.
So I got a cake.
- Mitch Hedberg

I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom.
- Michael Bergin

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
- Mitch Hedberg

In my prayers I never said I needed a home.
I said I wanted a sanctuary.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

My love of fine art increased - the more of it I saw,
the more of it I wanted to see.
- Paul Getty

I wanted to be a forest ranger or a coal man.
At a very early age, I knew I didn't want to do what my dad did,
which was work in an office.
- Harrison Ford

Today is the right day to do
what you have long wanted to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I wanted to be with the kind of people I'd grown up with,
but you can't go back to them and be one of them again,
no matter how hard you try.
- Ethel Waters

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

Secretly, I wanted to look like Jimi Hendrix,
but I could never quite pull it off.
- Bryan Ferry

Both my mother and father were very supportive of any
career move any of us wanted to make.
- James Gandolfini

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever
wanted to leave our house.
- Anthony Anderson

Growing up, I wanted desperately to please,
to be a good girl.
- Claire Danes

I always imagined I could be what I wanted to be.
- Chris Brown

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I
should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I was 11 years of age.
- Johnnie Cochran

Designers are very fickle.
I never wanted to be a victim of that.
You're in one minute, out the next.
- Tyra Banks

My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday,
so I said I wanted to read poetry with her.
- Guy Johnson

I wanted to escape so badly.
But of course I knew I couldn't just give up and leave school.
It was only when I heard my mom's voice that I came out of my hiding place.
- Zhang Ziyi

I would never have done what I'd done if I'd considered
my father as somebody I wanted to please.
- Robert Mapplethorpe

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things
no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving
America a new sense of purpose.
- Andy Rooney

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday...
I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me -
Homeland Security.
- Art Buchwald

There's sometimes a weird benefit to having an alcoholic,
violent father.
He really motivated me in that I never wanted to be anything like him.
- Dean Koontz

Wanted: a needle swift enough to sew this poem into a blanket.
- Charles Simic

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver

Earth Day 1970 was irrefutable evidence that the American
people understood the environmental threat and wanted action to resolve it.
- Barry Commoner

Love cannot endure indifference.
It needs to be wanted.
Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart,
or its flame burns low.
- Henry Ward Beecher

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)


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Thank you for visiting: I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. by Jay London.

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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