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I washed a sock.
by Rod Schmidt

I washed a sock.
Then I put it in the dryer.
When I took it out, it was gone.
- Rod Schmidt

Related topics: Funny

Is "tired old cliche" one?
- Rod Schmidt

I xeroxed my watch.
Now I have time to spare.
- Rod Schmidt

There aren't enough days in the weekend.
- Rod Schmidt

 

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
- Bette Davis

I'm older than I was, and I'm still washed-up,
and I haven't changed my music one iota.
It's just much easier to do this when people are being nice to you.
- Ben Folds

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'Tis now the summer of your youth: time has not cropped
the roses from your cheek,
though sorrow long has washed them.
- Edward Moore

Once when I was 16 I had my car taken away from me for being past curfew.
Oh, and I said a bad word once, and I actually did
get my mouth washed out with soap.
- Ashlee Simpson

Wave after wave of love flooded the stage and washed over me,
the beginning of the one great durable romance of my life.
- Bette Davis

The tears I have cried over Germany have dried.
I have washed my face.
- Marlene Dietrich

Summer has filled her veins with light and her heart is washed with noon.
- C. Day Lewis

That Bears quarterback is no good.
He's washed up.
He's 30.
- Donny Most

I collect clothes - they keep building and building.
I buy them instead of having them washed.
- Juliette Lewis

My bedspread isn't washable.
Since my bedding has to be washed every day,
I'll have to throw it out.
- April Winchell

The storm came.
Lives were washed away.
Ancient pains resurfaced.
Now it is time for a sea of change.
- Tavis Smiley

Our Constitution was not written in the sands to be
washed away by each wave of new judges blown in by
each successive political wind.
- Hugo Black

In the history of the world, no one has ever washed a rented car.
- Lawrence Summers

Two aged men, that had been foes for life,
Met by a grave, and wept - and in those tears They
washed away the memory of their strife;
Then wept again the loss of all those years.
- Jean Paul

Tears are nature's lotion for the eyes.
The eyes see better for being washed by them.
- Christian Nestell Bovee

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when
you've just washed your car.
- Denis Norden

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections,
children tend to be sticky.
- Fran Lebowitz

Sex in a dance is in the eyes of the beholder.
I never thought my dances sexy.
I suppose that's because I see myself with my face washed,
and to me I look like a rabbit.
- Gwen Verdon

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave from the
terror of flight or the gloom of the grave.
- Francis Scott Key

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats,
and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!
- Mark Russell

If it were possible to talk to the unborn,
one could never explain to them how it feels to be alive,
for life is washed in the speechless real.
- Jacques Barzun

I actually washed my window once, and it fell through -
it was being held together by the dirt.
- Edie Falco

If there's anything more mortifying than being famous at 14,
it's being washed up right after.
- Moon Unit Zappa

Old #64 chose...
a gentle jog, fast enough to prove I was alive,
slow enough to savor the cheers.
They washed over me.
They warmed me.
I knew I could live without them but I loved them.
- Jerry Kramer

Cinema is a director's medium, so you're saying,
"What do you want?" Being an actor is about adapting -
physically and emotionally.
If that means you have to look great for it and they can make you look great,
then thank you.
And if you have to have everything washed away,
then I'm willing to do that too.
- Nicole Kidman

You could name the great stars of the silent screen who were finished;
the great directors gone; the great title writers who were washed up.
But remember this, as long as you live:
the producers didn't lose a man.
They all made the switch.
That's where the great talent is.
- Ernst Lubitsch

And, of course, millions of us cross the border to
work in US homes and gardens and factories and carpentry shops and restaurants,
and if you go to a restaurant pretty much anywhere in the United States,
the chances are that the dishes will be washed by a Mexican.
- Alma Guillermoprieto

With her high pale brow under her faded brown hair,
she was like a rock washed clean by years of her husband's absences at conventions,
dinners, committee meetings or simply at the office.
- Louis Auchincloss

For fossils to thrive, certain favorable circumstances are required.
First of all, of course, remnants of life have to be there.
These then need to be washed over with water as soon as possible,
so that the bones are covered with a layer of sediment.
- Richard Leakey

Gospel songs to me are about the mansion in the sky,
and washed in the blood of Christ's crimson blood,
songs that are filled with biblical wording that's
no longer understood by a lot of people.
- Larry Norman

Crawford washed her hands a lot.
She washed her arms all the way up past her elbows.
She just couldn't get enough done in that direction.
She was compulsive about being clean,
clean, clean!
- Fay Wray

I used to lie between cool, clean sheets at night after I'd had a bath,
after I had washed my hair and scrubbed my knuckles
and finger-nails and teeth.
Then I could lie quite still in the dark with my face
to the window with the trees in it,
and talk to God.
- Frances Farmer

I liked Nicole Kidman because she is so fashionable she can do less is more.
It was very, very simple, but it was so chic.
Some people thought she looked washed out,
I didn't at all.
- Steven Cojocaru

These days kids get paid enough that they probably
don't need to work too much.
The problem is when the person is old enough that they
need to work to make a living,
and the only thing that they know how to do is what
they are already washed up in.
- Susan Olsen

We would be doing the children of South Asia a great
disservice if we allowed ourselves to believe that
the need of children to belong to a loving,
permanent family was washed away by the waves of the tsunami.
- Mary Landrieu

Knitting is very conducive to thought.
It is nice to knit a while, put down the needles,
write a while, then take up the sock again.
- Dorothy Day

This intellectual Pearl Harbor, a real gutsy sock to the stomach.
- J. Allen Hynek

I haven't tucked a sock in my pants for three years.
- Hilary Swank

Never put a sock in a toaster.
- Eddie Izzard

All I can tell them is pick a good one and sock it.
I get back to the dugout and they ask me what it was
I hit and I tell them I don't know except it looked good.
- Babe Ruth

Men greet each other with a sock on the arm,
women with a hug, and the hug wears better in the long run.
- Edward Hoagland

I grew up doing all that stuff because I was obsessed with the '50s.
I had sock hops for birthday parties.
So I've always done The Twist and stuff.
It was pretty natural and, with my parents doing it all the time,
I'd just copy them.
Not very pretty.
- Brittany Snow

I was in the Chilli Peppers at the time and I asked myself,
would I be able to wear a sock on my genitals at the
age of forty and they proved me wrong because I guess they're still doing it.
- Cliff Martinez

I met the guys through a friend of a friend,
and their former drummer had quit.
I wasn't too familiar with the Chili Peppers before that,
so I joined at the end of 88' and we finished recording
Mother's Milk at the end of 89',
next thing I know I'm in Spin with a sock.
- Chad Smith

Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.
- Will Durant (commonly attributed to Aristotle)

Once you know yourself as a genuine seeker,
and when your own inner chamber is quite enlightened,
then comes the natural unfoldment of pure love and compassion
and a genuine desire to serve others.
- Rod Stryker

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

Know first that you have absolutely no power to change the world,
and then address all your energies and intent toward improving it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha

Everything is okay in the end.
If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
- Anonymous

Play the game for more than you can afford to lose...
only then will you learn the game.
- Winston Churchill

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Does thou love life? Then do not squander time;
for that's the stuff life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

All your anxiety is because of your desire for harmony.
Seek disharmony, then you will gain peace.
- Rumi

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff that life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin

We first make our habits, then our habits make us.
- John Dryden

You have to learn the rules of the game.
And then you have to play better than anyone else.
- Albert Einstein

All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy.
What right have we then to depreciate imagination.
- Carl Jung

Today, I will do my best...
and then relax in the knowing
that I have done all I could.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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