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Ambrose Bierce Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Ambrose Bierce from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils,
as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
- Ambrose Bierce

Related topics: Politics

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power
to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
- Ambrose Bierce

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -
who has no gills.
- Ambrose Bierce

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils
his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
- Ambrose Bierce

 

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels,
levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
- Ambrose Bierce

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit
without individual responsibility.
- Ambrose Bierce

Mad, adj.
Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
- Ambrose Bierce

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
- Ambrose Bierce

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
- Ambrose Bierce

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather,
and exposing them to the critic.
- Ambrose Bierce

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise
in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
- Ambrose Bierce

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
- Ambrose Bierce

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master,
a mistress, and two slaves, making in all,
two.
- Ambrose Bierce

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
- Ambrose Bierce

History is an account, mostly false,
of events,
mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers,
mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
- Ambrose Bierce

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
- Ambrose Bierce

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor
upon the business known as gambling.
- Ambrose Bierce

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
- Ambrose Bierce

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
- Ambrose Bierce

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates
some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
- Ambrose Bierce

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and
disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
- Ambrose Bierce

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce

We submit to the majority because we have to.
But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
- Ambrose Bierce

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
- Ambrose Bierce

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
- Ambrose Bierce

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
- Ambrose Bierce

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman,
who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron -
namely,
that he is a blockhead.
- Ambrose Bierce

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
- Ambrose Bierce

Future.
That period of time in which our affairs prosper,
our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
- Ambrose Bierce

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency,
thinks with his legs.
- Ambrose Bierce

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
- Ambrose Bierce

Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest,
as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake,
a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
- Ambrose Bierce

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
- Ambrose Bierce

The covers of this book are too far apart.
- Ambrose Bierce

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between
the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -
two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
- Ambrose Bierce

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary
already sufficiently slippery.
- Ambrose Bierce

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we
renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
- Ambrose Bierce

When you doubt, abstain.
- Ambrose Bierce

Absence blots people out.
We really have no absent friends.
- Ambrose Bierce

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small
doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
- Ambrose Bierce

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
- Ambrose Bierce

Incompatibility.
In matrimony a similarity of tastes,
particularly the taste for domination.
- Ambrose Bierce

Eulogy.
Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power,
or the consideration to be dead.
- Ambrose Bierce

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
- Ambrose Bierce

Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.
- Ambrose Bierce

Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.
- Ambrose Bierce

Patriotism.
Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
- Ambrose Bierce

Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
- Ambrose Bierce

Acquaintance.
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from,
but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce

Spring beckons!
All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
- Ambrose Bierce

Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
- Ambrose Bierce

Witticism.
A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted;
what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.
- Ambrose Bierce

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that
white is the color that it appears to be.
It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
- Ambrose Bierce

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
- Ambrose Bierce

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest,
as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake,
a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
- Ambrose Bierce

Women in love are less ashamed than men.
They have less to be ashamed of.
- Ambrose Bierce

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain
of disappointment from the realm of hope.
- Ambrose Bierce

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
- Ambrose Bierce

Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
- Ambrose Bierce

Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political
knot that would not yield to the tongue.
- Ambrose Bierce

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are,
not as they ought to be.
- Ambrose Bierce

Genius - to know without having learned;
to draw just conclusions from unknown premises;
to discern the soul of things.
- Ambrose Bierce

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the
fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
- Ambrose Bierce

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
- Ambrose Bierce

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful,
including what is ugly.
- Ambrose Bierce

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
- Ambrose Bierce

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way,
commonly with the property of another.
- Ambrose Bierce


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