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Conan O`Brien Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Conan O`Brien from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism.
Scientists say they found it at a party,
talking way too loudly.
- Conan O'Brien

CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.
When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man,
Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'
- Conan O'Brien

Fish recognize a bad leader.
- Conan O'Brien

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to
ban people from wearing pants that fit too low.
However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.
- Conan O'Brien

 

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups.
The very first one will say, 'Jesus!
This cup is expensive!'
- Conan O'Brien

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get,
but if you work really hard and you're kind,
amazing things will happen.
- Conan O'Brien

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum.
The plan is being held up by finding a location that
isn't in their neighborhood.
- Conan O'Brien

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Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay.
In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been
hospitalized for exhaustion.
- Conan O'Brien

Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.
- Conan O'Brien

President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit.
Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward
start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.
- Conan O'Brien

Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush,
who proved you can be a successful politician in this
country even if English is your second language.
- Conan O'Brien

A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men.
I just want to say to the authors of that study:
'Duh.'
- Conan O'Brien

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor.
To improve their chances, all five candidates changed
their name to Rudy Giuliani.
- Conan O'Brien

Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now.
The toys can talk and are interactive,
so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans.
- Conan O'Brien

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.
And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
- Conan O'Brien

Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't
eligible for another fifteen years.
- Conan O'Brien

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards
were so friendly to each other some political experts
think that they may end up running together.
In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly,
President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.
- Conan O'Brien

Officials at the White House are saying that President
Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started.
The main difference, they say, is that he's started
watching the news and taping Sponge Bob.
- Conan O'Brien

In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed
limited federal funding for stem cell research.
That's right, the President said, this is a quote,
the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's,
Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have.
- Conan O'Brien

Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming
that she has had her breast implants removed.
Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her
old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.
- Conan O'Brien

The U.S.
army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting
contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President
Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding.
When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war,
the spokesman said 'Yes.'
- Conan O'Brien

President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003.
Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this,
not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million
deal to read a book by 2003.
- Conan O'Brien

The Canadian government continues to say they will
not help us if we go to war with Iraq.
However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help,
but he's pretty sure that last time he checked,
Canada had no army.
- Conan O'Brien

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for
stealing several blow-up dolls.
Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching
the man because he was completely out of breath.
- Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S.
reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon
as possible because the U.S.
could attack at any time.
Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do,
don't tell Geraldo.'
- Conan O'Brien

Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for
the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began,
they started crying.
Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later,
and they still haven't lost their virginity.
- Conan O'Brien

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the
California school system,
calling it disastrous.
Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its
graduates are willing to vote for me.
- Conan O'Brien

John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take
control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing.
Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career.
- Conan O'Brien

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

Scientists worldwide agree that the reduction needed
to stabilize the climate is actually more like 80 percent.
- Donella Meadows

I am not a scientist.
I am, rather, an impresario of scientists.
- Jacques Yves Cousteau

When I find myself in the company of scientists,
I feel like a shabby curate who has strayed by mistake
into a room full of dukes.
- W. H. Auden

Facts are the air of scientists.
Without them you can never fly.
- Linus Pauling

Some dreamers demand that scientists only discover
things that can be used for good.
- John Charles Polanyi

If they don't depend on true evidence,
scientists are no better than gossips.
- Penelope Fitzgerald

I believe that the quantum of our knowledge will increase
considerably in the coming years and that scientists
will continue to be amongst the brave voices speaking out.
- Peter Garrett

The athlete of today is not an athlete alone.
He's the center of a team - doctors,
scientists,
coaches, agents and so on.
- Emil Zatopek

I recognized that teaching and research institutions
vitally depend on the involvement of active scientists
also in management functions.
- Richard Ernst

Scientists are peeping toms at the keyhole of eternity.
- Arthur Koestler

Much of Indian science seems intuitive and not bound
by the rigid thinking of classical scientists.
- Roland Joffe

The AEC had at its command an army of highly skilled scientists.
- Barry Commoner

Scientists are very afraid of being proven wrong.
- Donald Johanson

Others think it the responsibility of scientists to
coerce the rest of society,
because they have the power that derives from special knowledge.
- John Charles Polanyi

We really think it is a good thing for scientists to
spend a little bit of their time either in the community
or in schools or helping to train high school teachers.
- Thomas R. Cech

Science is what scientists do.
- Dennis Flanagan

I'd like to think the scientists need us -
but do they? Did Newton need Blake?
- James Merrill

I think there is value in having practising scientists
as leaders of research institutions.
- Thomas R. Cech

Each generation of scientists stands upon the shoulders
of those who have gone before.
- Owen Chamberlain

Most of the scientific community believes that for
the full potential of embryonic stem cell research to be reached,
the number of cell lines readily available to scientists must increase.
- Ron Kind

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires,
atomic scientists, and business executives,
maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
- Bill Vaughan

Scientists have proven that it's impossible to long-jump 30 feet,
but I don't listen to that kind of talk.
Thoughts like that have a way of sinking into your feet.
- Carl Lewis

As scientists, we keep an open mind,
but we have to base our ideas about the past on archaeological evidence.
- Zahi Hawass

Scientists have found the gene for shyness.
They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding
behind a couple of other genes.
- Jonathan Katz

What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.
- Nikita Khrushchev

He was a crystal of morality among our scientists.
- Nikita Khrushchev

Physicists analyze systems.
Web scientists, however, can create the systems.
- Tim Berners-Lee

There is not much that even the most socially responsible
scientists can do as individuals,
or even as a group, about the social consequences of their activities.
- Eric Hobsbawm

I am optimistic globally.
So many scientists are working frantically on the reparation of our planet.
- Steve Irwin

Scientists under all forms of government must be able
to participate fully in international efforts.
- Kenneth G. Wilson

Few scientists acquainted with the chemistry of biological
systems at the molecular level can avoid being inspired.
- Donald Cram

There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down
errors instead of establishing the truth.
- Marie Curie

The moral issue here is whether the United States Congress
is going to stand in the way of science and preclude
scientists from doing lifesaving research.
- Rosa DeLauro

Scientists are always skeptics.
- Donald Norman

Now, that is in a way also what scientists are trying
to do they're trying to get people to see that the
world can be represented in an alternative way and that it's right.
- Jonathan Miller

The interpretation of facts in a certain way stimulates
other scientists' thoughts.
- Robert Barany

Theories of love are found in the works of scientists,
philosophers, and theologians.
- Mortimer Adler

Some scientists use TeX or LatEX but for most people
Word is the thing that writers use these days.
- Miguel de Icaza

In my grandfather's lab, scientists did independent research,
and peers reviewed and commented on its merits.
Politics, he taught me, had no place in the scientific process.
- Tammy Baldwin

Scientists are human, they're as biased as any other group.
But they do have one great advantage in that science
is a self-correcting process.
- Cyril Ponnamperuma

As great scientists have said and as all children know,
it is above all by the imagination that we achieve perception,
and compassion, and hope.
- Ursula K. LeGuin

As it turns out, social scientists have established
only one fact about single women's mental health:
employment improves it.
- Susan Faludi


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