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Fred Allen Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Fred Allen from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
- Fred Allen

Related topics: Humor

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children,
except in self-defense.
- Fred Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree,
because I know that I'm the sap.
- Fred Allen

 

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
- Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live -
if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen

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The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit
of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
- Fred Allen

I can't understand why a person will take a year to
write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
- Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college,
won the case, and got my tuition back.
- Fred Allen

I play a musical instrument a little,
but only for my own amazement.
- Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
- Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
- Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure
that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men
whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
- Fred Allen

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
- Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
- Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's
lane holding his own hand.
- Fred Allen

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
- Fred Allen

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
- Fred Allen

If I could get my membership fee back,
I'd resign from the human race.
- Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats;
then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
- Fred Allen

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with
carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
- Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things:
faces,
names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
- Fred Allen

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood
who will associate with a producer.
- Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns;
he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor.
The competition from bad actors is too great.
- Fred Allen

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk;
today we have small men enjoying big talk.
- Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood,
place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have
room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- Fred Allen

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
- Fred Allen

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
- Fred Allen

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times,
but a good press agent can do even better.
- Fred Allen

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style;
it will just look ridiculous year after year.
- Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their
life to become well known,
and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church.
They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
- Fred Allen

Committee - a group of men who individually can do
nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

A committee is a group of the unprepared,
appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
- Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir;
two hundred people changed their religion.
- Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston.
It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
- Fred Allen

Television is a device that permits people who haven't
anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
- Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting.
His success has the life expectancy of a small boy
who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
- Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list -
either way you lose your shirt.
- Fred Allen

My uncle is a Southern planter.
He's an undertaker in Alabama.
- Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
- Fred Allen

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
- Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing,
but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

Television is the triumph of machine over people.
- Fred Allen

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing,
but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen

It is probably not love that makes the world go around,
but rather those mutually supportive alliances through
which partners recognize their dependence on each other
for the achievement of shared and private goals.
- Fred Allen

We are living in the machine age.
For the first time in history the comedian has been
compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material
to compete with the machine.
Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
- Fred Allen

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs

Know that the greatest fear is fear of the unknown.
Seek to meet the unknown with courage and a sense of adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

At the center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want.
- Lao Tzu

Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To leave the world a bit better ...
to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Know thyself.
- Socrates (inscribed on the ancient Greek temple at Delphi)

Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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