Search my Quotes DataBase - Enter one or two keywords and/or author last name.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain




Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Daily Inspiration - Quotes to Live By
Inspiration  |  Motivational Articles  |  Being Strong  |  Being Positive  |  Links  |  About
Topics:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

George Mikes Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by George Mikes from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

Jokes are better than war.
Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars.
Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
- George Mikes

When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain,
sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles,
- but never England.
- George Mikes

On the Continent people have good food;
in England people have good table manners.
- George Mikes

Many Continentals think life is a game;
the English think cricket is a game.
- George Mikes

 

In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge;
nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation,
unless he has never read them.
- George Mikes

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
- George Mikes

The world still consists of two clearly divided groups:
the English and the foreigners.
One group consists of less than 50 million people;
the other of 3,950 million.
The latter group does not really count.
- George Mikes

Please sign-up for my Free Inspirational Daily Email on the form below.

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...
and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

I don't make jokes.
I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
- Mark Russell

The best ideas come as jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
- David Ogilvy

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in
the wee hours of the morning.
Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
- Seth MacFarlane

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school
because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
- Megan Fox

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change.
They stay the way they were in the past.
Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.
- Corey Feldman

When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly -
constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour.
It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
- Evan Dando

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter.
Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation
than trying to make the English laugh.
- Malcolm Muggeridge

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny,
but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air.
So just answer my questions.
Seriously.
- Rob Corddry

The main jokes in this film are about big things,
love and life and zombies - we all get that.
- Simon Pegg

I don't like jokes in speeches.
I do like wit and humor.
A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
- James Humes

All the jokes in my films, the comedy,
they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
- Yahoo Serious

The storyboard artists job is to plan out shot for shot the whole show,
write all the dialog, and decide the mood,
action, jokes, pacing, etc of every scene.
- Craig McCracken

I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens,
but also that's alive: they respond,
they're getting the jokes,
they're with me.
And that' s been happening.
- Dan Hicks

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show.
People generally talk the way they talk in life if
you were in this particular situation.
- Larry David

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself
and I put myself forward instead of the jokes;
at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
- Wanda Sykes

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
- Marilyn Monroe

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
- Jim Fowler

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy
of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads,
where they are safe.
- Emo Philips

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them.
For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,
and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
- Brian P. Cleary

My dog was with me all the time.
I talked to my dog.
She was my best buddy.
I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think
I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
- Cathy Guisewite

Don't make jokes about food.
- David Lean

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able
to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before.
We can actually finish jokes.
- Aries Spears

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
- Mitch Hedberg

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use,
from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
- Thomas Aquinas

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive
thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying
to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.
- David Cross

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
- Robert Frost

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes.
I want my life to mean something.
- Steve Harvey

I like to hold the microphone cord like this,
I pinch it together, then I let it go,
then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
- Mitch Hedberg

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
- Carrot Top

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings.
You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
- David Letterman

Everyone for the most part is really nice.
There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight.
You can't make everyone completely happy.
- Tina Yothers

I guess they're tough jokes.
But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at.
And you just can't cry.
- Sam Kinison

It had more layers than an onion.
These writers meant business.
There was a level for everybody.
Your major could be celestial mechanics,
and there'd be celestial-mechanics jokes.
- Billy West

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes,
the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
- John Lasseter

Writing for young children I find I often use particular
jokes with words and exaggerated,
funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex
stories for older children too.
- Margaret Mahy

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave.
I'm just a regular boy who goofs around,
pulls pranks, and makes jokes.
That doesn't sound very hot to me.
- Jensen Ackles

You can trust a Neil Simon script.
Every dot.
Every dash; that pause means something.
He takes all the jokes out, practically.
- Hector Elizondo

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy,
and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
- Kathy Griffin

I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that
he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.
- Glen Campbell

I love life in spite of all that mars it.
I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
- Tahar Ben Jelloun

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen,
see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
- David Letterman

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character,
the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.
- Neil LaBute

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer.
A comic tells bad jokes.
- Sandra Bernhard

A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.
- Zac Efron

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.
- Graham Kennedy

A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
- Eugene Ionesco

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting,
and there is no jovial companionship equal to that
where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
- Washington Irving

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you,
father.
- Mary Todd Lincoln

Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense.
And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.
- Judd Nelson

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day,
your mind starts going to strange places.
- Seth MacFarlane

I can tell jokes.
I can talk to the audience.
I can relax.
I can change my songs whenever I want.
I can change the tempos.
I can change the mood, because I'm in charge.
- Robert Goulet

A lot of the jokes had some build-up to some nasty stuff.
But most of it was all character situations leading
to what the ultimate payoff would be for that character.
- Shawn Wayans

You can't just yell jokes at people.
- David Cross

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.
- Martin Short

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
- Dylan Moran

One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did
not understand some of the jokes.
- Desi Arnaz

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.
- Laurence Sterne

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers,
are the bond that keeps most families alive.
- Stella Benson


Quotes and Sayings

---------


Thank you for visiting: George Mikes Quotes and Sayings.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Quotes and Sayings.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


Sign-up to receive Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes
free via email

Daily inspirational quotes and motivational messages of self-worth, choice,
positive attitude, happiness, forgiveness, and gratitude.
Inspiring motivational sayings plus Jonathan's insights into life,
relationships, and joyful living.

Enter Your E-Mail Address:
Enter Your Name (what you want to be called):
To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.
Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.

Or Subscribe to the Feedburner feed for Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes.



All materials & writings are copyright ©. You may read about our disclaimer, our privacy policy, our copyright policy, terms of use, participation in affiliate programs, and the list of all our websites.