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Jackie Mason Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Jackie Mason from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
- Jackie Mason

It's no longer a question of staying healthy.
It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
- Jackie Mason

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant -
even if they wanted to be one?
- Jackie Mason

It is more profitable for your congressman to support
the tobacco industry than your life.
- Jackie Mason

 

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life,
unless I buy something.
- Jackie Mason

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe.
- Jackie Mason

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like
the blind leading the one-eyed.
- A. J. Liebling

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I married a young Englishman in Cambridge in 1955 and
have lived in Britain every since.
- Anne Stevenson

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
- A. P. Herbert

An Englishman's never so natural as when he's holding his tongue.
- Henry James

Or a White Englishman would rather smash a White Frenchman than a Jew!
Crazy!
- Tom Metzger

Remember that you are an Englishman,
and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life.
- Cecil Rhodes

The very phrase 'foreign affairs' makes an Englishman
convinced that I am about to treat of subjects with which he has no concern.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Life isn't all beer and skittles, but beer and skittles,
or something better of the same sort,
must form a good part of every Englishman's education.
- Thomas Hughes

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him.
- Alan Jay Lerner

An Englishman, being flattered, is a lamb;
threatened,
a lion.
- George Chapman

The liberty of the Press is the Palladium of all the civil,
political and religious rights of an Englishman.
- Junius

Even crushed against his brother in the Tube the average
Englishman pretends desperately that he is alone.
- Germaine Greer

Who says Australia offers not a home for every poor Englishman,
or any other countryman that finds his way to our shores?
And what sort of thanks do we get for it?
- Henry Lawson

If I were an American, as I am an Englishman,
while a foreign troop was landed in my country,
I never would lay down my arms never never never!
- William Pitt

The Englishman wants to be recognized as a gentleman,
or as some other suitable species of human being,
the American wants to be considered a good guy.
- Louis Kronenberger

An Englishman will fairly drink as much As will maintain two families of Dutch.
- Daniel Defoe

The average Hollywood film star's ambition is to be admired by an American,
courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman and have a French boyfriend.
- Katharine Hepburn

I am not an Englishman, I was never an Englishman,
and I don't ever want to be one.
I am a Scotsman!
I was a Scotsman and I will always be one.
- Sean Connery

The average Englishman has no idea of the dynamism in the music scene here.
- Kabir Bedi

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing,
viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the
most exclusive club there is.
- Ogden Nash

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
- George Mikes

You never find an Englishman among the under-dogs except in England,
of course.
- Evelyn Waugh

That is why I come forward tonight without any political label,
without any bias, but just simply as an Englishman to say to you:
a crime is being committed against civilization.
- John Amery

An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable.
- George Bernard Shaw

There were two sides to David Lean: on the one side,
he was kind of a rather stiff, disciplined Englishman.
And then he had this kind of romantic side to him.
I think being true to both sides of your nature is important.
- John Boorman

Making the City Of Joy gave me the best political education of my life.
It became a wrestling match between an Englishman who
had gradually ceased to be a Marxist,
and a culture that was becoming more Marxist by the day.
- Roland Joffe

In this case it appealed to me partly because it felt
close to me in some ways.
This is about a confused, bewildered middle class Englishman
adrift in smalltown America and that has definitely been me.
- Colin Firth

Listeners will wonder what an Englishman is doing on
the German radio tonight.
You can imagine that before taking this step I hoped
that someone better qualified than me would come forward.
- John Amery

Had we lived I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood,
endurance and courage of my companions which would
have stirred the heart of every Englishman.
These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale.
- Robert Falcon Scott

Here the Frenchman, Spaniard, and Englishman all passed,
leaving each his legend; and a brilliant and more or
less feudal civilization with its aristocracy and slaves
has departed with the economic system upon which it rested.
- Hervey Allen

The French want no-one to be their superior.
The English want inferiors.
The Frenchman constantly raises his eyes above him with anxiety.
The Englishman lowers his beneath him with satisfaction.
- Alexis de Tocqueville

You know what the Englishman's idea of compromise is? He says,
Some people say there is a God.
Some people say there is no God.
The truth probably lies somewhere between these two statements.
- William Butler Yeats

I must dedicate my life to teaching my people,
for only education would make their lot less bitter,
their latent power more strong.
- Jimmy Yen

Many societies have educated their male children
on the simple device of teaching them not to be women.
- Margaret Mead

The whole art of teaching is only the art
of awakening the natural curiosity
of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
- Anatole France

I hate to see complacency prevail in our lives
when it's so directly contrary to the teaching of Christ.
- Jimmy Carter

Much education today is monumentally ineffective.
All too often we are giving young people cut flowers
when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants.
- John W. Gardner

Public misbehavior by the famous is a powerful teaching tool.
- Bill O'Reilly

When a father, absent during the day,
returns home at six, his children receive only his temperament,
not his teaching.
- Robert Bly

Teaching was the hardest work I had ever done,
and it remains the hardest work I have done to date.
- Ann Richards

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre.
- Gail Godwin

One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it.
- Knute Rockne

A liberal education is at the heart of a civil society,
and at the heart of a liberal education is the act of teaching.
- A. Bartlett Giamatti

The most permanent lessons in morals are those which come,
not of booky teaching, but of experience.
- Mark Twain

So one reason the science educators panic at the first
sign of public rebellion is that they fear exposure
of the implicit religious content in what they are teaching.
- Phillip E. Johnson

One of the most important elements in teaching,
conducting, and performing, all three,
is listening.
- Itzhak Perlman

The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.
- Mark Van Doren

I teach well.
I used to really like teaching a lot.
I enjoyed it a lot and I was good at it.
- Art Garfunkel

I believe that every human soul is teaching something
to someone nearly every minute here in mortality.
- M. Russell Ballard

I think that teaching coaches are the norm now.
- Oscar Robertson

What can the Church do? If she stands by her moral teaching,
then she will be seen as standing in judgement over
a vast percentage of Europeans.
- Timothy Radcliffe

I was privileged to be able to study a year with Martha Graham,
the last year she was teaching.
- Twyla Tharp

Man is raw and wild, that is one of the reasons why
he needs the Christian teaching.
- Alfred A. Montapert

You are almost not free, if you are teaching a group of graduate students,
to become friends with one of them.
I don't mean anything erotically charged,
just a friendship.
- Marilyn Hacker

The elementary school must assume as its sublime and
most solemn responsibility the task of teaching every child in it to read.
Any school that does not accomplish this has failed.
- William Bennett

There is no teaching to compare with example.
- Robert Powell

What we can do as individuals may not be very much on the global scale,
but we have to start the change by living as we are teaching.
- Harri Holkeri

To make your people understand what righteousness is,
this must be the basis of all your teaching.
- Joseph Barber Lightfoot

The five steps in teaching an employee new skills are preparation,
explanation, showing, observation and supervision.
- Bruce Barton

The real trouble with film school is that the people
teaching are so far out of the industry that they don't
give the students an idea of what's happening.
- Brian De Palma

Teaching writing over the years intrudes on your own
writing in important ways,
taking away some of the excitement of poetry.
- Robert Morgan

John Paul II made it clear that...
liberation theology based on the teaching of Jesus Christ was necessary,
but liberation theology that used a Marxist analysis was unacceptable.
- Claudio Hummes

The Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching
has been in existence for most of this century.
- C. Everett Koop

The greatest difference between now and 1964,
when I began teaching, is that public policy has pretty
much eradicated the dream of Martin Luther King.
- Jonathan Kozol

My teaching began in 1936 at Iowa State College where T. W. Schultz was the department chairman.
- George Stigler


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