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Jay Leno Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Jay Leno from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

Don't forget Mother's Day.
Or as they call it in Beverly Hills,
Dad's Third Wife Day.
- Jay Leno

Related topics: Funny

The reason there are two senators for each state is
so that one can be the designated driver.
- Jay Leno

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing
his decision on stem cell research.
He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.
- Jay Leno

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said,
"I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
- Jay Leno

 

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath,
do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
- Jay Leno

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
- Jay Leno

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors
who pose as reporters? Anchors.
- Jay Leno

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If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
- Jay Leno

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it,
Extortion Day!
- Jay Leno

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious.
The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
- Jay Leno

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of
support for us to attack Iraq.
Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
- Jay Leno

I think high self-esteem is overrated.
A little low self-esteem is actually quite good.
Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
- Jay Leno

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9
out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
- Jay Leno

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
- Jay Leno

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a
nativity scene in Washington,
D.C.
This wasn't for any religious reasons.
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
- Jay Leno

Politics is just show business for ugly people.
- Jay Leno

Today, one year after their divorce,
Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together.
You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
- Jay Leno

According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will
get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers.
Well, duh.
At least his book has some sex in it.
- Jay Leno

The Washington Bullets are changing their name.
They don't want their team to be associated with crime.
From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
- Jay Leno

Here's something to think about: How come you never
see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
- Jay Leno

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard,
he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
- Jay Leno

You know what they should call this war -
Son of Bush vs.
Son of a Bitch.
- Jay Leno

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war.
Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
- Jay Leno

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden.
It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil,
the Great Satan, called him a war monger.
Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
- Jay Leno

For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber
average people in America.
Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat,
now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
- Jay Leno

Magic Johnson, former basketball player,
may run for mayor of LA in the next election.
Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people
ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
- Jay Leno

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people
that drink beer or wine at least four times a week
have the highest bone density.
They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.
- Jay Leno

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America.
Women admire her because she's strong and successful.
Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
- Jay Leno

More coming out about Saddam Hussein.
We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses.
No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy -
he's one of their own.
- Jay Leno

Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able
to give their patients a lethal injection.
But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really,
really behind on payments.
- Jay Leno

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou PHOTO

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Don't hurry. Don't worry.
You're only here for a short visit.
So don't forget to stop and smell the roses.
- Walter Hagen

It does not do to dwell on dreams, ...
and forget to live.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

As we express our gratitude,
we must never forget that the highest appreciation
is not to utter words, but to live by them.
- John F. Kennedy

It is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to know.
- Henry David Thoreau

Never forget the three powerful resources
you always have available to you:
love, prayer, and forgiveness.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand.
- Chinese proverb

We're so engaged in doing things
to achieve purposes of outer value
that we forget the inner value,
the rapture that is associated
with being alive, is what it is all about.
- Joseph Campbell

The remedy for wrongs is to forget them.
- Publilius Syrus

When you are offended at any man's fault,
turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger.
- Epictetus

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman

The more a man can forget, the greater the number
of metamorphoses which his life can undergo,
the more he can remember, the more divine his life becomes.
- Soren Kierkegaard

May you never forget what is worth remembering,
or remember what is best forgotten.
- Anonymous

Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.
- William Arthur Ward

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try to understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
- Arundhati Roy

True friends are those who lift you up
when your heart's wings forget how to fly.
- Anonymous

Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
- Anonymous

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget,"
is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.
Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note -
torn in two, and burned up,
so that it never can be shown against one.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- E. Joseph Cossman

In my afternoon walk I would fain forget
all my morning occupations and my obligations to society.
- Henry David Thoreau

"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.

There are three rules for dating:
1) Don't;
2) If you must, just be careful;
3) Forget the rules, your hormones will win anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I know why families were created with all their imperfections.
They humanize you.
They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally,
so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed.
- Anais Nin

Looking at a sunset, just for a second
you forget your separateness:
you are the sunset.
That is the moment when you feel the beauty of it.
But the moment you say that it is a beautiful sunset,
you are no longer feeling it;
you have come back to your separate,
enclosed entity of the ego.
Now the mind is speaking.
- Osho

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

First, wash all car. Then wax. Wax on...
Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off.
Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off.
Don't forget to breathe, very important.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

A newborn does not have worry, or stress, or anger,
because they have not yet learned those things.
Consider what life would be like if you could
forget all the past resentments and perceived offenses
that color your thinking and your emotions.
Buddhists call that state "beginner mind" -
an opening to experience life
without the jaundiced filter of past disappointments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

We are apt to forget that children watch examples better
than they listen to preaching.
- Roy L. Smith

But I have to be careful not to let the world dazzle
me so much that I forget that I'm a husband and a father.
- Herbie Hancock

We can stand affliction better than we can prosperity,
for in prosperity we forget God.
- Dwight L. Moody

People in cities may forget the soil for as long as a hundred years,
but Mother Nature's memory is long and she will not
let them forget indefinitely.
- Henry Cantwell Wallace

Unfortunately, what many people forget is that judges
are just lawyers in robes.
- Tammy Bruce

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

It's easy for Americans to forget that the food they
eat doesn't magically appear on a supermarket shelf.
- Christopher Dodd


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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