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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake.
It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
- Jerry Seinfeld

Related topics: Birthday

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
- Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Make no mistake about why these babies are here -
they are here to replace us.
- Jerry Seinfeld

 

My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty and that's the law.
- Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS!
They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
- Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
- Jerry Seinfeld

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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color,
but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Men don't care what's on TV.
They only care what else is on TV.
- Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas;
people being helped by people other than me.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
- Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing,
it's movement.
To live is to keep moving.
- Jerry Seinfeld

I am so busy doing nothing...
that the idea of doing anything - which as you know,
always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and
then forces me to have to drop everything.
- Jerry Seinfeld

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh,
Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh,
and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
- Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in
the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we
have that people are still thinking.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains,
a pretty violent image there.
I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it,
maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you
should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
- Jerry Seinfeld

There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men don't think there's a lot they don't know.
Women do.
Women want to learn.
Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
- Jerry Seinfeld

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis PHOTO

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White PHOTO

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll PHOTO
(Alice in Wonderland)

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey PHOTO

Choose the World You See,
and See the World You Choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.
- Joseph Campbell

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You will not be punished for your anger,
you will be punished by your anger.
- The Buddha

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

Whatever you do, do with kindness.
Whatever you say, say with kindness.
Wherever you go, radiate kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

Change what you see,
by changing how you see.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

A well-developed sense of humor
is the pole that adds balance to your steps,
as you walk the tightrope of life.
- William Arthur Ward

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

How do you want to be remembered?
Live life full out - Begin today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich

May your life always be Counterpoint to the Clamor of the World.
May you delight in Dancing Lightly With Life.
May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.
May you always sing Melody in the Symphony of Your Life.
May you taste, smell, and touch your dreams of a beautiful tomorrow.
May your sun always shine, and your sky be forever blue.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stand often in the company of dreamers.
They believe you can achieve impossible things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

You Create Your Own Reality.
- Anonymous

Do not allow obligation or immediacy to
bind you to physical things or specific actions.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Do not blame the thistle that you see no beauty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.
- Anonymous

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As you awaken,
may your dreams greet you by name,
and may you answer, "Yes!"
- Mary Anne Radmacher

When you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you
that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.
- Joseph Campbell

You can't stop the music, nobody can stop the music.
- Village People

Celebrate what you want to see more of.
- Tom Peters

Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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