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Jon Stewart Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Jon Stewart from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

I've always liked Atlanta.
And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.
- Jon Stewart

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action,
and you're looking at marijuana.
You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas,
because really, who's gonna wanna work?
- Jon Stewart

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way.
I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house,
we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
- Jon Stewart

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body.
Like a 'Peanuts' character.
- Jon Stewart

 

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy.
Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops,
and you're the one who has to fix it!
- Jon Stewart

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate,
'When I'm president...
and I just wanted to stop him and say,
'Dude.'
- Jon Stewart

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit,
giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices
they didn't even know they had.
- Jon Stewart

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If you watch the news and don't like it,
then this is your counter program to the news.
- Jon Stewart

I'm not just a boy toy.
I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
- Jon Stewart

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
- Jon Stewart

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being
able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
- Jon Stewart

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements
over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote...
so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No.
1.
- Jon Stewart

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls
the coalition of the willing.
Or, as the rest of the world calls them,
Britain and Spain.
- Jon Stewart

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty,
which, quite frankly, I could have done.
- Jon Stewart

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show.
It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride.
You have to be six foot two or over.
- Jon Stewart

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression
that I could take the country over in about two days.
- Jon Stewart

I can be in 20 movies.
But I'll never be an actor.
- Jon Stewart

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because
there are no impartial people.
There are people that argue on the web for hours about
who their favorite character on "Friends" is.
- Jon Stewart

You just have to keep trying to do good work,
and hope that it leads to more good work.
I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work,
and be proud that I tried everything.
Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
- Jon Stewart

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just
south of the Iraqi border.
This is how you know we have a strong army,
when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where
your camp is and what its name is.
- Jon Stewart

We have it.
The smoking gun.
The evidence.
The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been
looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq.
There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.
- Jon Stewart

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition,
even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands
of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
- Jon Stewart

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between
shots at PGA Tour events.
Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have
some guy carry his clubs around for him.
- Jon Stewart

If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything,
it's that the terrorists can attack us,
but they can't take away what makes us American -
our freedom,
our liberty, our civil rights.
No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
- Jon Stewart

I never saw a discontented tree.
They grip the ground as though they liked it,
and though fast rooted, they travel about as far as we do.
- John Muir

I liked being a teenager, but I would not go back for all the tea in China.
- Rob Lowe

When I played Leonardo DiCaprio's mother,
they liked that Leo had very hooded eyes and a rounded nose with a ball.
They said, They look like they could be mother and son.
- Ellen Barkin

My hair got lighter, and I gradually went blonde.
I liked it.
Had more fun.
But my image of myself in my head is this dark-haired person.
- Lisa Kudrow

When the movie was done, Number Five was crated up.
Eric took him over to Germany; displayed him over there
because Germans really liked this movie.
It was very popular with them.
- John Badham

I was one who liked to work with my hands as well as my brain.
- William Standish Knowles

Frank liked me because I went nuts on the piano using feet,
head, whatever I could find to bang on the piano.
- George Duke

I also have always liked the monster within idea.
I like the zombies being us.
Zombies are the blue-collar monsters.
- George A. Romero

I met the Radicals and we liked each other reciprocally.
- Emma Bonino

I always liked circuses, so I would have enjoyed that.
- Lee Hazlewood

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The Millennium Stadium thing was for the Tsunami concert.
It was a thing that I think every band in the country
would have liked to be a part of at the time that it happened.
- Kelly Jones

I like the Gap ad, the khaki one.
I liked that.
- Jay Chiat

There is no hunting like the hunting of man,
and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it,
never care for anything else thereafter.
- Ernest Hemingway

You know, when I started I liked Big Macs and Budweiser
and I still like Big Macs and Budweiser.
- Kid Rock

I realized what interested me as a student of film
was one thing and the movies that I liked were another.
- Sam Raimi

I never liked group work in school.
- Brendan Fehr

I got too fed up with films that didn't make you think.
I liked the idea of one that you'd have to be dancing around with.
I like my mind to be engaged when I watch a film.
- Guy Ritchie

I liked the challenge of writing in a very concise
structure in which both meaning and form are important.
- Jeffery Deaver

I've banged my head quite a bit.
I liked Iron Maiden, Ozzy, AC/DC.
And of course, Ratt and Poison.
- Cameron Diaz

But I couldn't cut that whole septic tank scene out
because the audience liked it so much.
So I sort of fell right back into getting a cheap laugh,
but I still loved it.
- Jay Roach

I ended up gettin' a little Gibson amp and a bass,
because of Gene Simmons of Kiss.
Myself and three other kids would pretend to be Kiss -
I liked Gene the best.
- Jason Newsted

We grew out of the superhero comics,
but we still liked comics,
so we started putting our own experiences in the stories
we were doing for our own amusement.
- Gilbert Hernandez

If you go back to the Conan the Barbarian series,
I really liked that.
- Andre Braugher

Basically, right before college I got into the Guinness
book for my feet and started to do local commercials and little radio spots,
just little things and found I really liked it.
- Matthew McGrory

I'm not into that Keith Richard trip of having all
those guitars in different tunings.
I never liked the Rolling Stones much anyway.
- Ritchie Blackmore

I've always liked the minds of criminals,
they seem similar to artists.
- Richard Linklater

We met in Cracker.
I played a maniac fan who murders a policeman and she did my makeup.
I thought anyone interested in me looking like that
must have genuinely liked me.
- Robert Carlyle

I wrote about people who liked fake fireplaces in their parlor,
who thought a brass horse with a clock embedded in its flank was wonderful.
- Betty Smith

The last two records I liked playing a lot.
- Kim Gordon

I would have liked having children to some degree,
but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame.
- Albert Ellis

I like the job. That's what I'll miss the most...
I'm not sure anybody ever liked this as much as I've liked it.
- William J. Clinton

I started out as a football player.
I liked to inflict pain.
In basketball, it was the same thing.
- Shaquille O'Neal

I was a typical farm boy.
I liked the farm.
I enjoyed the things that you do on a farm,
go down to the drainage ditch and fish,
and look at the crawfish and pick a little cotton.
- Sam Donaldson

We really love all sports, but we don't think in the long term.
The reason we did Kingpin was because there was a script
we really liked and we saw the possibilities.
- Peter Farrelly

I never met a kid I liked.
- W. C. Fields

James Brown was one of the first artists who found
four bars that he liked and played them the entire way through,
and then he just added to it vocally.
- Brian Austin Green

I certainly want to get back to the U.S.
to play.
It's such a big country.
I've always liked playing there, and enjoyed living there.
I lived in New York, LA, and Florida.
- Mick Taylor

I never liked guns, I hate them, I always blink before they go off.
- Roger Moore

I would have liked maybe to be in architecture or painting,
something connected to the fine arts.
- Catherine Deneuve

I liked sculpting better than painting.
You have more freedom in sculpting.
- Anthony Quinn

I liked his ability to deal with a lot of the negativity that surrounded him.
Even though he was in a world that he didn't want to be in,
he still saw the bigger picture.
- Dwayne Johnson

We'd rather see a picture that we liked then dump on one we didn't.
- Gene Siskel

As far as humor goes, I've always been a very insecure
person and I've always wanted to be liked.
- Peter Steele

I've always liked pop music.
There was a bit of a misunderstanding with the avant-garde rock scene,
because I think I was sort of swimming the wrong way,
really.
- Robert Wyatt

I preferred delivering my performance in person.
I liked to be in control.
You couldn't be in films.
- Ethel Merman

I have tried sex with both men and women.
I found I liked it.
- Dusty Springfield


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