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Tim Vine Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Tim Vine from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
- Tim Vine

So I got home, and the phone was ringing.
I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
- Tim Vine

So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said
'It depends where you're calling from.'
- Tim Vine

Velcro: what a rip-off.
- Tim Vine

 

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.
I'll tell you what, never again.
- Tim Vine

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
- Tim Vine

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything:
trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
- Tim Vine

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I was reading a book...
'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.
- Tim Vine

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me
to do the splits?' He said:
'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'
- Tim Vine

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.
- Tim Vine

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past.
It was a bit choppy.
- Tim Vine

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
- Tim Vine

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur.
I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
- Tim Vine

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.
And there are five people in my family,
so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother, Colin.
Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
- Tim Vine

I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish.
I need a deadline.
I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining
standing in front of all these people.
Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
- Tim Vine

With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence.
I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous
about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it.
I always want to condense a joke.
- Tim Vine

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down,
don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine,
get out of the filing cabinet.
- Tim Vine

My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom.
The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you.
I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch,
signed by David Soul.
- Tim Vine

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' -
if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in.
All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing,
were the people that influenced me.
What I do is quite traditional anyway.
- Tim Vine

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore PHOTO

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. PHOTO

Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz PHOTO

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather PHOTO

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha PHOTO

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi PHOTO

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran PHOTO

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is granting another the space to be
the way they are and the way they are not.
- Werner Erhard

Where There is Love,
Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours,
if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Love is the absence of judgment.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Do all things with love.
- Og Mandino

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

Your love is more powerful
than your words or your actions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

I love you just the way you are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart -
not from the mind.
- Sheri Rosenthal

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- A Course in Miracles

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Once you know yourself as a genuine seeker,
and when your own inner chamber is quite enlightened,
then comes the natural unfoldment of pure love and compassion
and a genuine desire to serve others.
- Rod Stryker

Affirmation:
Today I choose the higher road -
the path of charity, acceptance,
love, selflessness, kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is an act of faith.
- Erich Fromm

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time.
Hatred ceases through love.
This is an unalterable law.
- The Buddha

All you need is love.
- John Lennon

Love is a fruit in season at all times,
and within reach of every hand.
- Mother Teresa

This day I see that pretty much all
my correspondences are love letters.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost

Love is like a beautiful flower
which I may not touch,
but whose fragrance makes the garden
a place of delight just the same.
- Helen Keller

Know that where there is love, nothing is missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.
- Soren Kierkegaard

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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