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Tommy Cooper Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Tommy Cooper from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one
of your trouser legs and put it in a library.'
I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
- Tommy Cooper

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter,
'Have you got frog's legs?' He said,
'Yes,' so I said,
'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
- Tommy Cooper

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
- Tommy Cooper

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow.
When I woke up the pillow was gone.
- Tommy Cooper

 

I went window shopping today!
I bought four windows.
- Tommy Cooper

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen,
it said 'Parking Fine.'
- Tommy Cooper

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want
a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
- Tommy Cooper

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to
me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure,
you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'
- Tommy Cooper

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'
The doctor says,
'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor says:
'Okay -
you're ugly as well.'
- Tommy Cooper

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
- Tommy Cooper

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet -
it was a marriage of convenience!
- Tommy Cooper

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog.
He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out:
'Can I help,
sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke.
'Just looking.'
- Tommy Cooper

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen PHOTO

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha PHOTO

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou PHOTO

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart PHOTO

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

We can only be said to be truly alive in those moments
when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.
- Thornton Wilder

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump PHOTO

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart PHOTO

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
- Lewis Carroll

You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

I want it said of me by those who knew me best,
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln

Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln

Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
- Arabian Proverb

Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin

There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Never say or do anything you wouldn't want
to be the last thing you ever said or did.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
- Karl Barth

When I look back on all these worries,
I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.
- Winston Churchill

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you
before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump

When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain

When a man you like switches from what
he said a year ago, or four years ago,
he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough
to change his mind with changing conditions.
When a man you don't like does it,
he is a liar who has broken his promise.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

A wise one said, "We are most like God when we forgive."
It is easy for us to blame, but hard for us to forgive.
Yet that is what we are called upon to do -
to forgive everyone for everything.
And the reward?
In this life, the reward for forgiveness
is your own happiness.
Unconditional universal forgiveness is
the key to your own happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I unconditionally forgive myself for everything
that I have ever done, said, or thought
that has caused me harm or suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What if it were only an illusion?
Perhaps life is not as threatening as it appears.
Perhaps the greatest threat to our serenity
is our fear of the future -
our fear of the unknown.
Perhaps, as Franklin D. Roosevelt said,
"The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

How true Daddy's words were when he said:
all children must look after their own upbringing.
Parents can only give good advice
or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I unconditionally forgive everyone for all hurt
that I have ever experienced in the presence of their actions.
I unconditionally forgive myself for everything that I have ever done,
said, or thought that has caused me harm or suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't.
But there was going to be when I began it.
It's just that something happened to it along the way."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Overflowing Cup of Tea:
The Zen Master poured his visitor's teacup full, and then kept pouring.
The visitor watched until he could no longer restrain himself.
"It is overfull. No more will go in!"
"Like this cup," the Zen Master said,
"you are full of your own opinions and assumptions.
How can you learn truth until you first empty your cup?"
- Traditional Zen Koan

I believe in God, but not as one thing,
not as an old man in the sky.
I believe that what people call God
is something in all of us.
I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha
and all the rest said was right.
It's just that the translations have gone wrong.
- John Lennon

Momma always said dyin' was a part of life.
I sure wish it wasn't.
- the movie Forrest Gump

(Jesus on Love)
You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

God is the great mysterious motivator of what we call nature,
and it has often been said by philosophers,
that nature is the will of God.
And I prefer to say that nature
is the only body of God that we shall ever see.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
"it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll

It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister,
to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart.
Having said this, I have said all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis,
and I said compared to who?
- Jay London

Love Your Enemies
Ye have heard that it hath been said,
Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
- Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 5:43-44)

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
- Calvin Coolidge

Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

No one ever said on their deathbed, 'Gee,
I wish I had spent more time alone with my computer'.
- Danielle Berry

I've said it before, but it's absolutely true:
My mother gave me my drive,
but my father gave me my dreams.
Thanks to him, I could see a future.
- Liza Minelli

I've said that playing the blues is like having to be black twice.
Stevie Ray Vaughan missed on both counts,
but I never noticed.
- B. B. King

My dad always said, 'Don't worry what people think,
because you can't change it.'
- Daisy Donovan

My mom always said that there would be haters.
Not everyone can love ya.
- Joel Madden

In my prayers I never said I needed a home.
I said I wanted a sanctuary.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said,
'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson

I'm an advocate of the great Dr. Johnson, the English
man of letters who said that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel.
- George Galloway

John Candy knew he was going to die.
He told me on his 40th birthday.
He said, well, Maureen, I'm on borrowed time.
- Maureen O'Hara

My father was the guy on the block who said hi to everyone.
- Damon Wayans

He said to them, "Where is your faith?"
And they were afraid, and marveled, saying to one another,
"Who can this be?
For He commands even the winds and water,
and they obey Him!"
- Luke 8:25

As Daddy said, life is 95 percent anticipation.
- Gloria Swanson

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work.
Of course it doesn't work.
We are supposed to work it.
- Alexander Woollcott

Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor

Happy is said to be the family which can eat onions together.
They are, for the time being, separate,
from the world, and have a harmony of aspiration.
- Charles Dudley Warner


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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