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W. C. Fields Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by W. C. Fields from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Related topics: Funny Cynical

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for
days on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

 

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Reminds me of my safari in Africa.
Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days
we had to live on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

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I am free of all prejudices.
I hate every one equally.
- W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.
- W. C. Fields

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down
rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
- W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- W. C. Fields

I am free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
- W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants.
I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
- W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse,
but there's nothing exactly like it.
- W. C. Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll
expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
- W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must
take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
- W. C. Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.
- W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
- W. C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices.
I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,
which I also keep handy.
- W. C. Fields

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance,
baffle them with bull.
- W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from -
ever again.
- W. C. Fields

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
- W. C. Fields

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking;
it's easy.
I've done it a thousand times.
- W. C. Fields

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life -
except drink.
- W. C. Fields

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -
sell liquor or drink it.
- W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink;
I just worry about being driven home.
- W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
- W. C. Fields

I must have a drink of breakfast.
- W. C. Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband.
Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
- W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite
and furthermore always carry a small snake.
- W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.
- W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
- W. C. Fields

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death,
where is thy sting?
- W. C. Fields

It was a woman who drove me to drink,
and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
- W. C. Fields

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place,
a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
- W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman.
Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night,
she can still survive.
- W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
- W. C. Fields

I never drink water.
I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
- W. C. Fields

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes
so they would turn over by themselves.
- W. C. Fields

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
- W. C. Fields

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
- W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope,
life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
- W. C. Fields

Set up another case bartender!
The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
- W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
- W. C. Fields

All the men in my family were bearded,
and most of the women.
- W. C. Fields

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
- W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone.
I always vote against.
- W. C. Fields

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
- W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
- W. C. Fields

No doubt exists that all women are crazy;
it's only a question of degree.
- W. C. Fields

I am an expert of electricity.
My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
- W. C. Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
- W. C. Fields

I once spent a year in Philadelphia,
I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields

Here lies W. C. Fields.
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
- W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
- W. C. Fields

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house.
There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
- W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,
which I also keep handy.
- W. C. Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream,
but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
- W. C. Fields

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
- W. C. Fields

The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.
- Yiddish Proverb

He who is contented is rich.
- Lao Tzu

That man is rich whose pleasures are the cheapest.
- Henry David Thoreau

Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa

When life is too easy for us, we must beware
or we may not be ready to meet the blows
which sooner or later come to everyone, rich or poor.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

If you want to feel rich,
just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
- Anonymous


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