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Funny Quotes
Funny Sayings
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Related topics: Inspirational Life Human-Nature Psychology Live-By Cute Whimsey Wisdom Humor
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer 
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years
before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
At the beginning, we are in relationship
because we are attracted to the other person -
we think they are sexy, smart, funny,
whatever it is that we find appealing.
But very quickly, the focus of the relationship
turns to whether we feel appreciated.
If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fun Quotes and Sayings
Become more and more innocent,
less knowledgeable and more childlike.
Take life as fun -
because that's precisely what it is!
- Osho
People rarely succeed unless they
have fun in what they are doing.
- Dale Carnegie
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney
We see Life through the fun-house mirrors of our point-of-view.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To love what you do and feel that it matters,
how on earth could anything be more fun.
- Katherine Graham
