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Funny Quotes to Live By
Funny Quotes about Life

I hope you find great value in these Funny Quotes to Live By and Funny Quotes about Life from my large collection of inspirational quotes and motivational sayings.

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Related topics: Inspirational Life Human-Nature Psychology Live-By Cute Whimsey Wisdom Humor

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer PHOTO

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

 

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

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Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer


Quotes and Sayings

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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