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Rita Rudner Quotes and Sayings

I hope you find great value in these Quotes by Rita Rudner from my large collection of motivational and inspirational quotes and sayings.

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Related topics: Funny Cynical Marriage

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage -
they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner

 

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
- Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet -
so we bought a dog.
Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
- Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed
that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
- Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love.
I'd stepped in it a few times.
- Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them.
My mother cleans them.
- Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle.
It wasn't mine.
- Rita Rudner

My grandmother was a very tough woman.
She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
- Rita Rudner

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen.
Women reach theirs at thirty-five.
Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
- Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank,
except when it's very busy, when they have one.
- Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after,
my mother's tasted better the day before.
- Rita Rudner

I don't plan to grow old gracefully.
I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
- Rita Rudner

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they
always say the same thing:
'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
- Rita Rudner

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
- Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace.
It's fake.
I requested fake.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age,
I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
- Rita Rudner

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."
- Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are
still young enough to take care of them.
- Rita Rudner

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said:
If we're going to charge $10 an hour,
we can't call it Jumping up and down.
- Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country.
But he won't get a bikini wax.
- Rita Rudner

The time you spend grieving over a man should never
exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
- Rita Rudner

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly
want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle
of the night and fall in.
- Rita Rudner

It's so great to find that one special person you want
to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid.
Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large
breasts makes men stupid.
- Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
- Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity.
That's how rich I want to be.
- Rita Rudner

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom,
it was that no one would tell me where it was.
- Rita Rudner

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Where There is Love,
Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb

Love is the absence of judgment.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Do all things with love.
- Og Mandino

If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours,
if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Your love is more powerful
than your words or your actions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love you just the way you are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is granting another the space to be
the way they are and the way they are not.
- Werner Erhard

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart -
not from the mind.
- Sheri Rosenthal

Once you know yourself as a genuine seeker,
and when your own inner chamber is quite enlightened,
then comes the natural unfoldment of pure love and compassion
and a genuine desire to serve others.
- Rod Stryker

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 


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