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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
by George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Cynical

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

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I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

 

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Beware the Rattlesnake of the Mind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness depends upon ourselves.
- Aristotle

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Anger is like a thorn in the heart.
- Yiddish Proverb

Happiness walks on busy feet.
- Kitte Turmell

Change what you see,
by changing how you see.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

We don't see things as they are,
we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin

Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden

Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Choose your Habits, Choose your Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life's real lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie




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