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I hope you find great value in these Funny Quotes to Live By and Funny Quotes about Life from my large collection of inspirational quotes and motivational sayings.
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Related topics: Inspirational Life Human-Nature Psychology Live-By Cute Whimsey Wisdom Humor
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer 
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
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You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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